Friday, October 15, 2004

Oh, see, now, we ain’t gonna play it like that, playa Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That bad, huh?
They are not kidding about this flu vaccine shortage; it’s so bad, the flu vaccine is the only drug you can’t find in Courtney Love’s blood stream.

Ewwwwwww and ewwww
Support is flocking to the Bush/Cheney ticket in criticism of John Kerry using Cheney’s lesbian daughter for a point during the debate. It’s so bad, for spin control, today John Kerry offered one of his daughter five million if she would become a lesbian.

First Hottie
*Did you see the shot of the Bush twins during the debate? They are really pretty, but is Jenna Bush the party girl poster child or what? No matter how nicely they dress her up, Jenna always looks like somebody just did a Jello shot off of her navel.

No matter what the occasion, Jenna always looks like she is about to slam down a Jagermiester shot and scream: “Woooooooooooo!”

Paris Hilton looks at Jenna Bush and says, “I could not even hang with that wild woman.”

Could you imagine a night of partying with Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Jenna Bush? I’m telling you, those girls are so hot they could drive Michael Jackson out of a Chuckie Cheese.

More ewwwwww
Not to be crass or anything, but those Bush twins are so hot they could turn Dick Cheney into a lesbian.

Imagine that?
*Fox News’Bill O’Reilly is being sued by a former female producer for allegedly forcing her to have phone sex, discuss threeways and masturbating. Imagine that? A republican using Bill Clinton’s three point plan.

*Fox News’Bill O’Reilly is being sued by a former female producer for allegedly forcing her to have phone sex. She is suing O’Reilly for $60 million in damages. Apparently the damage was so extensive, it resulted in her inablity to hang up the phone.

King Dumb-ass
*In England, a former teacher claims she helped Prince Harry cheat on a big exam. This could seriously hurt Harry’s chances of landing a job if not for the fact that nobody in the history of the royal family has ever worked a stinking single day in their life.

Apparently Prince Harry doesn’t have the best grades in the world. In fact, it’s so bad that, if his grades get any worse, the royal family will have no choice but to change his name to Prince George W.

This will be wild
*Chris Rock is going to host the Academy Awards; I am a huge Chris Rock fan, but I get a feeling that, after the FCC fines, they’ll wish they had asked Janet Jackson’s breast to host instead.

That slow, huh?
*Boston Red Sox ace Curt Schilling is questionable due to a torn ankle tendon. If Schilling had to field a bunt, he would be slower than a Kobe Bryant room service order.