Thursday, October 21, 2004

We ain’t gonna play you like no playa playin’ playa up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

What a concept
Get a load of this. If Houston wins tonight, the World Series will match the presidential race: Massachusetts against Texas. So I guess that makes the Arizona Diamondbacks Ralph Nader.

That seems a little mean
The Court of Arbitration for Sport in Switzerland ruled that Paul Hamm can keep his all-around gymnastics gold medal. In addition, the Sport Court also ruled that the Miami Dolphins really suck.

Teresa Heinz “57 varieties of sticking her foot in her mouth” Kerry said of former teacher, librarian, housewife Laura Bush; “I don't know that she's ever had a real job.” Kerry apologized. For the next two weeks, why do I picture Teresa gagged and shoved in an empty ketchup barrel?

A spokesperson for Teresa Heinz Kerry excused her remarks by describing Kerry as eccentric. Incidentally you’re eccentric if you’re crazy but also rich enough to pay spokespeople to describe you as eccentric.

Well, that’s something, I guess
A German study reveals that being in traffic can trigger heart attacks in heart-attack susceptible people. The good news for L.A. drivers? You’ll already be dead before they can shoot you.

A witness to the Abu Ghraib prison abuse said the CIA sometimes directed the abuse. I’m not so sure about that. When asked to comment, a CIA spokesperson said; “Who's Abu Ghraib?”

No easy task that
The Boston Red Sox might have accomplished the most amazing achievement in all of sports. The first team to comeback after being down 3-0 isn’t the most amazing achievement, it’s shutting up New York Yankee fans.

In game six after a home run ruling went against them, the New York Yankee fans threw bottles, cans and even cell phones. They even tossed that Verizon guy onto the field. He was in left field saying; “Can you hear me now? Good.”

How about the name Softswatch?
Microsoft and Swatch announced they’ve teamed up to make a wireless data watch called the Paparazzi line. Maybe I don’t get it, but is there such a thing as a wired watch? Wouldn’t that have to be one long-ass wire?

The Paparazzi watch is amazing, you can get and send e-mails, live news, scores, stock quotes, the weather. It does just about everything except, well, tell the time.

In sad news, a friend of mine lost their grandfather this week; it turns out he died of old age waiting in line for his flu shot.

It is getting ugly
Delaware. Sen. Joe Biden described President Bush as brain dead. To which Bush replied; “That ain’t nice making fun of those poor people who are in one of them commas.

No spank zone?
The accusations of phone sex against Bill O’Reilly are amazing. What this guy needs is a no spin zone in his pants.

No WMD’s here either
In San Diego there is an exhibit called “Weapons of the World.” It features historic weapons from all over the world. There is a German cannon, a Russian sword and a French running shoe.

In San Diego there is an exhibit called “Weapons of the World.” It features weapons from all over the world. It’s sad, someone from the White House calls the “Weapons of the World” exhibit each day and asks; “Anything from Iraq yet? You sure? Did you double check?”

Since you asked:
How about these baseball playoffs? It’s turning me from just a Cubs fan into a baseball fan. It used to be next to impossible for me to sit through a game without one of the teams being the Cubs. Even then, if I had it TiVo’d, I’d one or even two arrow speed it up when the other team was at bat. Not this post season. Great teams, great games, great outcomes. Well, so far anyway. The St Louis Bloody Birds have to lose tonight for it to be all great outcomes.

Lex's (oh no, not again) cooking hour
Have I told you about Lex’s “Willy Nilly” chilli? OK, I know I tend to go on about my grilling and such, (Oh, no, Lex, not you. Compared to you Emerill is a hot dog vendor) but man, did I hit it with my chili Monday night, if I do say so my own self.

See, we had wind and rain like you read about it the last two days. Oh, and while I am on that topic, in any state other than California, a Volcano would have to suddenly shoot out of the middle of town to warrant as much discussion as the rain gets around here. A one-year-old kid was jumping up and down and going nuts with happiness and his mother explained it was his very first rainstorm. We Californians are so weak.

Anyway, it was raining, so I used that excuse to make my Lex’s “Willy Nilly” chili. Bless my Mom’s heart and soul, her chili recipe was not her best dish. It was a very tomato-ridden soupy thing with kidney beans and so many bay leaves the bowl looked like an un-kept pool in October. So when I would sit in our suburban Illinois basement and watch a western on TV, invariably they would be eating chili in cool wooden bowls and it was always a thick, brown, chunky looking slop that made me drool with envy. It gave me the same feeling of envy, wonder and confusion as did those shots of people in California skiing in shorts and t-shirts.

Well, one day in college, a good friend in Santa Barbara took me to Cold Springs Tavern – pause for herald angels to trumpet– and told me to order the chili. A lifetime of confusion ended. This was the cool, thick, bubbly, brown and meaty stuff those cowboys had tortured me with all my youth.

Sadly, Cold Springs Tavern would not divulge their recipe so I had to launch out on the vast Internet to find one as good, and I did. It’s the award winning Fred Drexel’s 1981 chili that features no beans. It is thick, a wonderful ruddy brown, and littered with awesome chunks of meat. Served with a dollop of sour cream, grated cheddar cheese, diced onions, crunched blue tortilla chips and a corn bread biscuits – I love that word biscuit. This chili is the cure for what ails you on a cold night.

It is this recipe with a few Lex changes.

I add more garlic, cumin, a chopped red pepper, and a couple heaping tablespoons of Masa corn flour for thickness, ½ bottle more beer, a dash of red wine and a splash of balsamic vinegar. Oh, and in honor of Mom, I do add a can of drained ranch beans at the very end so there is a token amount of beans, just not a preponderance of beanage. Mine takes just over four hours to simmer.

Warning, it is a rich rib-sticker, so take heart burn precautions where necessary.