Tuesday, October 12, 2004

This really just in:
The rumor is that, during the first debate, President Bush wore a hidden radio device and was being fed answers. I thought it was odd when Bush blurted out; “Car 32, we have a 889 in progress at Elm Street and Birch, err, I mean, uh, it’s hard work.”

All this and a bag of chips:
(I stole my own Apocalypse joke)
Too bad the Angels and the Dodgers won’t be in the World Series, then it would be called “The Freeway Series." Do you know what they would call a World Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox? Armegeddon.

If St. Louis and Boston make it, the World Series would be called Missouri versus Misery.

Clap on, clap off
78-yearold- Hugh Hefner is building a bachelor pad on top of the Palms in Las Vegas. It’s the first bachelor pad with a medical alert system; “Help, a playmate has fallen on me and I can’t get up.”

Speaking of the clap . . .
It’s Fleet Week down in San Diego. Or as Paris Hilton calls Fleet Week: Crunch Time.

How nice
Britney Spears and her new hubby Kevin Federline have a new house in Malibu. It’s really nice, it’s white, brand new and gets ten miles to the gallon.

Although there is a drastic shortage of flu vaccines this year, health officials are urging people not to buy black market flu shots on the Internet. That’s disappointing , I just saw a junk e-mail for a flu vaccine that will also enlarge your penis.

But seriously . . .
Have you heard about the porn video “Porn Stars for John Kerry”? Not to give anything away, but if you thought Kerry was a stiff . . . .

I’m Lex the Kase and I approve this message, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers (Let’s face it, my faux street cred opening was getting a little old, for real-izzle)

Just might be
*Critics claim the election in Afghanistan was rigged. I’m starting to think they’re right. Guess who finished second? Al Gore.

Can’t be right
I knew this tight of an election would get ugly, but I didn’t think it would get this ugly. Did I hear this right? Did President Bush accuse John Kerry of raising everyone’s taxes except for Osama bin Laden, O.J. Simpson and Martha Stewart?

Baseball fever
*The playoffs generate many questions: will the Red Sox beat the New York Yankees? Can another wild card team, Houston, win it all two years in a row? Who has the most unfortunate name in baseball history, pitching coach Dick Pole or Cardinal slugger Albert Pujols?

Give the kid a break
*A soldier, Joshua Horton, recuperating at home in Illinois from his wounds he received in Iraq, wife just had quintuplets. Man, it just isn’t that guy’s year.

When asked to comment about his five newborns, Horton said; “Thank goodness I’m in a hospital with war wounds.”

Missing al Qaida?
*A human right group claims 11 U. S. captured al-Qaida suspects have vanished. That’s a shame. We should put our best man on that. Tell you what, right after O.J. finds the real killers, we’ll send him out to find those missing al Qaida members.

*A human right group claims 11 U. S. captured al-Qaida suspects are missing. Is that right? Missing? They might have vanished but I don’t think anyone is missing al-Qaida members.

Don’t worry, I’m sure the CIA is treating the missing al-Qaida members just fine. Let’s not panic, we’d hate to see anyone . . . lose their heads over this.

Kobe fever, catch it
*Former Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson new book, “The Last Season” details his clashes with Kobe Bryant. His former coach can’t stand Kobe, Shaq can’t stand him, Colorado can’t stand Kobe, Kobe’s wife has allegedly left him, right now, the only one speaking to Kobe Bryant is his jeweler.

*A New Jersey S.P.C.A. chapter was closed because they didn’t prosecute former NBA star Jayson Williams for shooting his dog after losing a bet. As hard as it is to believe, Kobe Bryant may only be the second biggest jerk in the history of the NBA.

Just a wild guess, but ewwwww
*Palm Springs has the highest syphilis rate in the country. How did that happen? Palm Springs is a retirement community. Did all the poor old folks spread the syphilis because they forget that they had it?

Since you asked:
Slats and Nugs, whether you’re a baseball fan or not, you simply have to love this Boston Red Sox/New York Yankee A.L.C.S. The chilled clean Fall air, the vibrancy of the turning leaves, the vaunted history of Yankee stadium and the echoed cry of the passionate Boston Red Sox fans:

“Those effin’ Yankees wicked suck.”

Lex's grilling hour.

As the regular readers of A.L.B.B. can attest – all seven of you, a shout-out to the Snakes, Mark, John and Billy, P.A. Janice, Jeff Allen Hill the Lip, Good-Ray, Barry the Roz – I hate like hell to brag about my grilling, well, prowess might be too much, techniques.

But that was before Sunday night’s baby back ribs Lex-style. As you may already know, I am a big proponent of the combo. If rubs, marinades, slow-cooking and smoking all work, why not all four? That’s what I do to my ribs. Marinate in sugar/brine water for many hours, rub garlic powder, cumin, salt and pepper, broil at low (200) for three hours, finish off with my peach BBQ sauce on the grill for the cross-marks while hickory chips lovingly smoke them.

Well, now we can add one more element and that is steaming. What? You mean par-boiling? Slats and Nuggies, I would rather be par-boiled than par-boil my ribs. Does par-boiling make them tender? Sure, but so would throwing them in a Nuclear cooling tank. No, I mean pour a quarter to half of an inch of the brine marinade into the pan that you use to broil the ribs.

See, I don’t want meat falling off the bone. When it falls off the bone that mean the flavor fell off a long time ago. No, I want a little al dente. (To the tooth) And that’s what . .

en3489anndraopa[p4e8!!!! Bzzzzzz, snap ……….. Ahh I finally did it. I successfully hacked into Lex’s “A Little Bit Bad.” Lex, for the love of decency, stop with the insipid grilling tips. You’re killing us. Thanks, I have to go back to being a virgin living with my Mother ……… 3549043jka,………bzzzzzzzzzzz

. . . gives them that, if I may be so bold, perfect texture.