Thursday, October 14, 2004

It is yo thang, do whatchya wanna do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Back and forth, back and forth
*Last night I switched back and forth from the Presidential debates to the baseball playoffs games and I think I’ve made a decision: I am going to vote for Derek Jeter for President.

*I was switching back and forth from both baseball playoff games to the Presidential debates, so I am a little confused, but I think the winner of the final debate was George W. Kerry of the St. Louis Yankees.

But I tell yah . . .
*During the debate did you hear John Kerry’s scorcher? "Being lectured by the President on fiscal responsibility is like Tony Soprano talking to me about law and order." Kerry added; “I’ll be here all week, try the veal and tip the cocktail waitresses.”

If he doesn’t win the Presidential election, you can catch John Kerry at open mike night at the Komedy Kove in Torrance.

That and when that Utah dork won again
I was switching channels between the debate and the baseball games so much I got confused; but I think my favorite part of the debate was when Alex Trabec asked them to tell an amusing anecdote.

So close
Just to give you some idea how close the election is at this point, if Ralph Nader throws his votes to one of the candidates, Nader’s votes could decide the election, all twelve of them.

Slowhand, fastfoot
*Guitar legend Eric Clapton was caught driving at 134 mph – 50 over the speed limit-- on a French motorway. The French do not allow driving that fast, unless, of course, it involves retreating from an invading army.

It may be
*At one point during the Yankee/ Red Sox game, the fans started shouting in unison to Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez: “Who’s your Daddy? Who’s your Daddy?” To which the NBA’s Shawn Kemp replied, “It might be me.”

Since you asked:
Is technology always good? Take the hotel key card. For the hotel owner, I am sure this is huge progress, they can just touch a computer button that makes new room cards instead of changing locks. But it is not an improvement for the hotel guest. (And really, if you pay to be someplace, are you really a guest? That’s like calling a prostitute your girlfriend. At a hotel you are basically a John for the room)

But I am willing to bet there are a lot more people who stay in hotels than own them, so I say the hotel card, in the grand scheme of things, is a huge step backwards.

Think of the added stress that is involved. You have to stand there and hope the room card accepts you enough so that it gives you the green light, ala a producer gives a green light to a movie project. Because if it doesn’t give you the green light, here is what goes through your mind:

“Uh oh, I didn’t get the green light. Is there something wrong with this room card? I’ll wipe it. This is the right room number, isn’t it? Yep. Try it again. Damn. Oh, no, you don’t suppose there’s something wrong with the credit card I used to book the room, do you? I paid the bill. What if I’ve had identity theft and somebody’s ripping me off? Try the card again. Red. Dammit, why does this happen to me? Why, because I’m no good that’s why. If I was any good would I be being punished like this? Obviously, I am a bad person and now I deserve to be essentially homeless, in a city where I don’t know a soul. I’ll be begging on the street, sleeping in a cardboard box in the rain. Kathy Young was right to dump me for that guy at Stanford, who the hell do I think I am . . . oh, wait, it worked that time. No where is that Honor Bar key?”

The old days? Stick in the key, and turn it. Open.You tell me which is better?

Oh, and another thing. Why do they still call it an Honor Bar? Never in the entire history of man paying for lodging has any human being ever uttered the words; "Hey, you forgot to charge me ten bucks for this bag of M&M's." What they should call it is the; "We Are Going to Rip You Off On Cheap Junk When Your Defenses Are Down" bar.

Welcome to the hell what do be the inner workings of what's left of my mind.