This just in, with an assist from my buddy John
Concerned that the hurricane relief efforts were focusing too intently on sending clothes, Teresa Heinz Kerry said; “Let them go naked a while.” Man, even Marie Antoinette let them eat some cake.


Now THAT is what I am talking about, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The B.S. In CBS
Trouble at CBS, which stands for Can’t Back Story. CBS admits the Bush National Guard memo was a fake. This is causing a shakeup at CBS, they are now starting to question whether everyone really does love Raymond.

Trouble at CBS which stands for Credibility Becoming Slim. CBS admits the Bush National Guard memo was a fake. Now more trouble. You know CBS’s new fall show “Dr. Vegas”? It turns out Dr. Vegas got his medical degree in Aruba.


Really?
CBS’s “CSI Miami” season premiere was advertised as so intense, one of the cast members won’t survive it. And guess who it is? Dan Rather.

CBS is going to admit the Bush National Guard memo was a fake. It promises to be very dramatic, the “C.S.I. Miami” actors are going to surround Dan Rather’s desk with yellow police tape.

The “CSI Miami” season premiere was advertised as so intense, one of the cast members won’t survive it. I think it’s called the; “Anyone else not happy with their contract?” episode.

I’m not a girl . . .
*Britney Spears got married over the weekend. Insert your own; “Oops, I did it again” joke here.

Britney supplied their rings, the reception was at a bar featuring chicken wings and burgers. I don’t want to say it was trashy, but apparently the wedding planner was Tonya Harding.

And the winner isn’t . . .
The Emmys were last night. Or as NBC calls the Emmys: the “yeah, whatever” awards.

You know who should have won an Emmy? The minister who preformed the Britney Spears wedding ceremony. When he got to the line; “‘till death you do part” he did not crack up once.

Revealing television
*Did you see the Miss America pageant? I don’t want to imply the bikinis were skimpy, but they made the US Olympic beach volleyball bikinis look like Burkas.

What a relief
*In Israel, Madonna called for world peace at a conference on Jewish mysticism. Madonna called for world peace? What a relief. Just when those al Qaeda characters were starting to worry me, Madonna goes and solves everything.

Madonna called for world peace. What a relief to our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Ryders on the storm
*The American team Ryder Cup team was so far behind the Europeans the only way they would have brought home the trophy is if they turned it into the Winona Ryder Cup and stole it.

A sure sign
*In New York City a judge refused to overturn a verdict even though one of the jurors admitted he drank while on jury duty. They should have suspected he was drunk, every time the judge banged his gavel, the juror yelled; “Come in.”