We all play callin’ and straight ballin’ all up in this here beeeeeeeeeeyaaaaatch, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How hot . . .was . . . it?
*It’s been hot, I was sweating like Venessa Bryant trying to wrestle the ring back from Kobe.

Go figure
*Today doctors say Bill Clinton is awake and alert after his quadruple bypass. That’s amazing, president Bush isn’t alert and he didn’t even have surgery.

Or as President Bush continues to calls the quadruple bypass, the Guadalupe overpass.

The term for the big scar after bypass operations is a zipper. At long last, Bill Clinton finally has a zipper he can keep shut.

Back in my daaaayyyyy
*Maybe it’s just me, but every time I hear John Kerry speak, I expect him to yell, “Why, you punks get off my lawn.”

If I were Kerry’s advisor, I’d tell him the first thing he has to do is get that old man smell out of his voice.

Rocky Mountain high
*“Men’s Health” magazine said that Denver is the drunkest city. Apparently Denver’s nickname the Mile High city has nothing to do with the altitude.

It’s especially the drunkest when the Denver Nuggets are playing.

Upon hearing this, Dade County Florida said, “OK, Denver’s the drunkest, but we’re still the stupidest, right?”

Rummy ain't no dummy
*Def. Sec. Donald Rumsfeld said that the use of force is just one way to defeat terrorists. Sure, it’s the most fun way, but not the only way.