Friday, September 10, 2004

Work it, work it, work it until they say your name, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Kind of like that
*The New England Patriots beat the Indianapolis Colts 27-24. The game was like John Kerry with Bill Clinton: it went back and forth, back and forth with lots of scoring.

Lucky her
*A study at Dartmouth claims that sleeping with your lover gives you the same feeling of bliss as receiving $50,000. Unless you’re Donald Trump’s lover, than you get to experience both.

One more try
*For 73 minutes during the bypass operation, Bill Clinton had no heartbeat, no pulse. So, for 73 minutes, Clinton was Dick Cheney.

Not positive, but I can check
*A poll reveals Ralph Nader has 1% of the voter’s support. That’s the lowest possible. I think Saddam Hussein has 1% and he isn’t even running.

While we’re dropping names
La Toya Jackson announced she is dropping the La, now she is just Toya. Upon hearing this, Toya’s agent said, “I can do better than that, I’m gonna drop the entire name La Toya Jackson.”

How wild?
“Playboy” is featuring women from McDonalds. How wild are the girls of McDonalds? Let’s just say, guys, get ready to get super sized.

Stupid space ship
*After two years in space collecting solar atoms, the $264 million Genesis space capsule crashed in Utah. It couldn’t even crash right, Utah is the most boring place in the world. A few hundred miles southwest and it could have been partying in Las Vegas.

That time again
On al Jazeera network, Osama’s # 2 man said America will be defeated. Every few months, these clowns peek out of their cave, plop down in the dirt, boast on tape how they are going to kick our ass, and then scurry back into their cave. They’re like a terrorist cuckoo clock.

But he still has that awesome Harmon babe
Jason Sehorn flunked his physical with the St. Louis Rams. Poor guy, first he can’t provide pass coverage, now he can’t get medical coverage.

Oh no, say it ain’t so
Shaquille O’Neal took nasty, ugly shots at Kobe Bryant on his latest rap CD. Oh, that’s bad, that’s horrible, I hate hear that. Shaq has a new rap CD? That’s just awful.

Good news, bad news
The bad news for Kobe Bryant is Shaquille O’Neal took shots Kobe on his latest rap CD “Hot in Here Part Five.” The good news for Bryant is that it’s a Shaq rap CD, so nobody will actually hear it.

And finally
Orlando Sentinel's Jerry Greene: "What's the difference between Deion Sanders and that defrocked priest who disrupted the Olympic marathon? That's right - the defrocked priest can tackle.''

I have to add one more: the priest was wearing a red kilt with a green beret, so clearly he also dresses better than Deion.

Since you asked:
That’s rich, me ragging on how somebody dresses, let alone Deion Sanders.

Except for a brief period during my senior year in high school – where I actually invented the now classic unbuttoned oxford shirt over the t-shirt look with blue jeans – I have been a bit of a fashion felon my entire life.

When I was at U.C. Santa Barbara, I would always don questionable attire - like the brown suede cowboy boots I thought made me look like a cross between Keith Richards and the Sundance kid – and my uber-preppy Orange and Marin County Sigma Chi fraternity brothers, veritably smothered in Polo cologne, would look at me, scratch their heads and mumble, “I don't know, it must be a Chicago thing.”

When I got back to Chicago, my old high school friends would look at the same boots and say;

“Man, they must really dress weird out there in California.”