Tuesday, September 14, 2004

This just in:
U2 has been nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. That's how you know you're getting old, when a band you still think of as hip and fairly new gets inducted into the hall of fame.

Don't tell anyone, it's supposed to be a surprise, but when they induct U2 into the Hall of Fame, they are going to surprise them with that thing they found that U2 was looking for. You know, that thing.

My favorite word lately? The name of the band Hoobastank. I don't know much about the band, but I have been repeating the name like an over-caffeinated adolescent. Hoobastank. I think I even called Wrigley Hoobastank once. He didn't like it. He did that head-cock thing dogs and George Clooney do.

Can you put an izzle on the sizzle, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Oprah largess
By now you've heard about the 276 Pontiacs Oprah gave her audience. I thought it would be funny to go out and get everyone who reads this blog today one of those little Hot Wheel cars, but it was too expensive and too much trouble so we blew it off.

Oprah has really dug a hole for herself now. Now when she shows up at somebody's house for dinner they are going to be thinking; "Oh sure, Oprah gives her audience cars, we get some lousy flowers and a stinking bottle of wine."

Now when Oprah shows up to work it's, "Oh great, everyone in the audience got a car, she gets us bagels and donuts."

How would you like to be the Oprah audience right before the one that got the cars? That's like being the girl who broke up with Bill Gates in high school.

They're over 30% full of it
*There are now a lot of questions about the authenticity of these memos shown on '60 Minutes' about President Bush and his service in the National Guard. How can you trust a show that's called "Sixty minutes" when it is really only about forty minutes after commercials?

Lower. Get it?
*For the debates John Kerry is arguing for both to stand behind a podium and Bush wants both to sit at a desk. Some feel this is a ploy for Kerry to show voters he is taller than Bush. You know, I knew this would eventually descend to these guys measuring their body parts, but I thought it would occur at a lower level.

Since you asked;
Oh, yes, I am taking my game up a notch as we sprecken, Slats and Nugs.

Got me a hankerin' to grill up some pork tenderloin. The best thing for pork - since it is both tender and flavorful, but can dry out - is the sugar and salt, i.e. brine marinade. A quarter cup of Kosher salt and half a cup of sugar in a tub of water more than twice big enough to cover the pork loin. Marinate for several hours. This, essentially, replaces the blood with much more and tastier fake blood making it next to impossible to dry the pork out. (It's one of the things I do with my baby back ribs)

But did I stop there? Ohhhhhh nooooooo. Instead of sugar I used Maple syrup for a smokier flavor. Genius? Well, genius might be a bit strong, but . . . But did I stop there? Ohhhhhh noooooo (This is starting to sound like my McGregor-the-sheep-*givlrt joke) I cooked me up some bacon and tossed that in with the maple-brine marinade. But will I stop there? Ohhhhhhhh nooooooo. I am going to use my smoker box to smoke up some water-soaked hickory chips.

Mmmmm, mmmm. Along with a buttery Marsala wine sauce that is to-die-for and steamed broccoli with fresh Parmesan cheese and an avocado, tomato, olive oil and balsamic salad and a glass of Merlot, the fine dining company of Virg, the Stinker, and the beasts, Kasey and Wrigley, hot air balloons floating overhead as well as the Cubs game on TiVo, well, Bob's your Uncle, Slats and Nugs, Bob is your frickin' Uncle.

Fantasy Football update. My team sucks. Why did I take Jeremy Shockey and that stiff, Stephan Davis? Both could have been arrested for loitering.

* See the keys immediately to the left of those letters on the keyboard.