Wednesday, September 15, 2004

We gonna get our silly on up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How . . . hot . . . sis . . . you’ve got the idea
Man, it has been hot here this year. I’ve been sweating like a guy going in an airplane bathroom right after Michael Moore.

Sounds familiar
*John Kerry gave a pep talk to the Mansfield, Ohio high school football team that promptly went out and lost 34-7. Kerry told them to go out there and win one for the Flipper.

Criminal B.S.
*Crime is at a 30 year low. Well, except at CBS.

It appears the supposed 1970’s documents on President Bush’s National Guard CBS aired may have been produced on a current version of Microsoft’s Word software. In addition, CBS is beginning to doubt the validity of its DVD recording of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

On the bright side
*Texas Ranger reliever Frank Francisco was arrested after throwing a chair at the Oakland fans at an A’s game. The good news for Francisco is that he will pick up a lucrative endorsement deal from Ikea.

In addition to assault chargers, Francisco was accused of imitating Bobby Knight.

Pay no attention to that woman behind the curtain
*To launch her “Wildest Dreams Come True” theme, Oprah Winfrey gave everyone in her entire audience a car. 276 cars. And to continue her “Wildest Dreams Come True” today Oprah gave Dick Cheney a heart, the French courage and President Bush a brain.

That sounds about right
*President Bush spoke to a National Guard convention at Las Vegas. Bush told the National Guard members to serve as he had, so they immediately left the speech to go drink, gamble and chase hookers.

*Anyone see NBC’s new show “LAX”? It was a little slow. It shows the cast taking twenty minutes just make it through security.

Now that is excited
*The Chicago Cubs won a big 12-inning game 3-2 against the Pittsburgh Pirates on Corey Patterson’s walk-off second home run. One Cubs fan was so excited, he gave Oprah Winfrey a car.

Misery 2
*Bill Clinton is back home under Hillary’s care. Why does this make me think of the expression: payback is a bitch? “Oh, you’d like some chicken soup? Why don’t you get one of your little whores to go get it for you.”

Saw this one coming
*Marion Berry is making a coming back, he is going to run for a Washington D.C. city council seat. He should win, as we all know, Barry is a crack politician.

Good news bad news kinda thang
John Kerry is slipping in the polls. The good news for Kerry is that a smart political figure says Kerry’s campaign is going to be fine; the bad news is that political figure is Howard Dean.