Wednesday, June 30, 2004

It ain't all beer and skittles up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Maria Sharapova beat Ai Sygiyama and won a spot in the Wimbledon semi finals. Sharapova has been described as the next Anna Kournakova which I find confusing; either she won or she’s the next Anna Kournakova, which one is it?

Bygones be bygones, just be gone
Eli Manning is in San Diego for a NFL rookie symposium at the La Costa Resort and Spa. San Diego wants to show there are no hard feelings about being shunned and will treat Manning to that new spa treatment: the hot tar bath followed by the feather-dunking skin treatment.

*Star Trek’s Jeri Ryan said her ex-husband, Jack Ryan, forced her to perform sex acts in front of strangers. Jeri Ryan also starred in “Boston Public.” Coincidentally, she also had sex in Boston’s public.

See? I hate to say I told you so . . .
*British tabloids are circulating the rumor that the reason Britney Spears is engaged is because she is pregnant. If she is pregnant, it’s her doctor’s fault. After Britney hurt her knee, he instructed her to go to bed and elevate her legs. That’s what happens.

Booty Call$
*"Smarty Jones' breeding rights were sold but the 3-year-old refuses to shuttle so, rather than him traveling all over the country, the broodmares must come to him. And, at an estimated stud fee of $75,000 to $100,000, this sets a record for the most expensive booty call.

Receiving $75,000 to $100,000 for a home-game horsy booty call? Now we know where the Smart in Smarty Jones comes from.

$75,000 to $100,000 for a home game booty call? When I was single, I thought it was pretty good that I got a girl to come with a pizza and a six-pack.

Good thing
Saddam Hussein was handed over to Iraqi officials. Good thing he wasn’t handed over to Los Angeles, they always let famous murderers off.

Since you asked, the educational version
Included in the “Time” magazine (June 5, 2004) about Thomas Jefferson was an article about how Muslims along the Barbary coast, between 1600 and 1800 - a time when there weren’t a whole lot of folks around to begin with - took over 1.25 million American and English as slaves.

Attempts at negotiations with various Muslim leaders to stop the raids were met with increased blackmail demands for a “peace” that was always ignored.

When Jefferson asked the London Ambassador of Tripoli (Libya), Ambassador Abdrahaman, what gave them the right to attack and take slaves, since the U.S. never attacked them, here is what Jefferson said he said:

“The Ambassador answered us that it was founded on the Laws of their Prophet, that it was written in their Koran, that all nations who should not have acknowledged their authority were sinners, that it was their right and duty to make war upon them wherever they could be found, and to make slaves of all they could take as prisoners.”

Finally fed up, as soon as he became president in 1801, Jefferson dispatched Navy frigates filled with marines –incidentally, without the approval of Congress, which was in recess- to attack and put an end to the Muslim slave trade. It was the first time the U.S. attacked a foreign country. (Hence the part of the Marines anthem; “To the shores of Tipoli)

After a series of serious butt-kickings at the hand of our Navy and Marines, all four of the North African Barbary States (Algiers, Tunis, Morocco, and Tripoli) signed treaties with the U.S. denouncing piracy, kidnapping, and blackmail.

It is too bad that Jefferson didn’t fight nearly as hard against slavery in the U.S., but it is interesting to ponder how one our founding fathers would react to our problems with Iraq and the Middle East.

To their credit, however, from this article, there is no indication that those old-school Muslim captors ever cut off the heads of their American and English prisoners.