It's gettin all kinds a good to me now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
It must be all those Buffalo wings she eats
*Jessica Simpson had to cancel a concert because of a kidney infection. When the doctor informed her of her kidney infection, Jessica said; “That’s weird, my foot doesn’t hurt at all.”
Well, it’s something
*In New Orleans, a zoo showed gorilla porn to a male gorilla to get him to mate. It didn’t make him mate, but the gorilla can now call the front desk and order more towels and skin lotion.
Let’s just say showing the gorilla porn wasn’t a huge mating success. In addition, now the gorilla has to be treated for elbow tendonitis.
Same old nasty Billy
*Bill Clinton’s book tour is in full swing. Clinton hasn’t changed though. When a really hot woman asks him to autograph a book, Clinton signs his hotel room number on page #69.
Terminal illness
*“The Terminal” is a new movie with Tom Hanks. The Terminal is also how a Northwest pilot asks for directions. “The Terminal?”
A Northwest Airlines flight landed at the wrong airport in South Dakota. It wasn’t a total waste of time; the pilots used the stop to buy more booze.
Say ahh and woof
*Friday is “Take your dog to work” day. I hope doctors aren’t taking their dogs to work. It’s nerve-wracking enough when a guy goes in for his prostate exam, the last thing he needs is to have to yell; “Hey, what the hell is that dog for?”
I couldn’t be a doctor; I’m too much of a wise-ass. While some poor guy is in the exam room nervously waiting for his prostate exam, I would pump in the banjo music from; “Deliverance.”
Catchy ad campaign
*SpaceShipOne, the first corporate owned space ship flew into space this week. Did you see their ad? “Be the first of your friends to join the twenty mile high club.”
“Who knows?” was already taken
*Have you heard the California Lottery’s Super Lotto Plus slogan? It’s “Maybe.” I think “Maybe” is also the C.I.A.’s motto. W.M.D.’s? Maybe. An Osama/Saddam connection? Maybe.
That’s enough
*I’ve had it with spam, junk e-mail. Apparently there is somebody in Russia who is under the impression I need to enlarge my penis. It just shows how misinformed they are.
And, finally
*There was an embarrassing moment during Bill Clinton’s book signing. Clinton misunderstood when one of his fans complimented his “60 Minutes” performance, Clinton said;
“Thanks, but I have to give some of the credit for my sixty minutes performance to Viagra.”
Since you asked
As a father of a sweet five-year-old girl, I am truly upset about the current and popular slut-oriented young women’s fashion look. And, as a guy, I am downright incensed it wasn’t around when I was single.
When I was single, we didn’t have the now legally required butt/back tattoos to identify the real feisty player women. We only had cigarettes, ankle bracelets and cheap perfume. Maybe an angora sweater and a garter belt. Maybe.
Not all of the legally required female-player back/butt tattoos are attractive to us guys. For example, the “Does this tattoo make my butt look big?” is not popular with us guys. Neither is the “Objects in this tattoo are larger than they appear.” But I think the least attractive female-player butt/back tattoo for us guys has to be; “Don’t even THINK about parking here.”
P.S. Fellow Cubs fans, could you please refrain from using either the names Paul or Bako around me for a day or so?
It must be all those Buffalo wings she eats
*Jessica Simpson had to cancel a concert because of a kidney infection. When the doctor informed her of her kidney infection, Jessica said; “That’s weird, my foot doesn’t hurt at all.”
Well, it’s something
*In New Orleans, a zoo showed gorilla porn to a male gorilla to get him to mate. It didn’t make him mate, but the gorilla can now call the front desk and order more towels and skin lotion.
Let’s just say showing the gorilla porn wasn’t a huge mating success. In addition, now the gorilla has to be treated for elbow tendonitis.
Same old nasty Billy
*Bill Clinton’s book tour is in full swing. Clinton hasn’t changed though. When a really hot woman asks him to autograph a book, Clinton signs his hotel room number on page #69.
Terminal illness
*“The Terminal” is a new movie with Tom Hanks. The Terminal is also how a Northwest pilot asks for directions. “The Terminal?”
A Northwest Airlines flight landed at the wrong airport in South Dakota. It wasn’t a total waste of time; the pilots used the stop to buy more booze.
Say ahh and woof
*Friday is “Take your dog to work” day. I hope doctors aren’t taking their dogs to work. It’s nerve-wracking enough when a guy goes in for his prostate exam, the last thing he needs is to have to yell; “Hey, what the hell is that dog for?”
I couldn’t be a doctor; I’m too much of a wise-ass. While some poor guy is in the exam room nervously waiting for his prostate exam, I would pump in the banjo music from; “Deliverance.”
Catchy ad campaign
*SpaceShipOne, the first corporate owned space ship flew into space this week. Did you see their ad? “Be the first of your friends to join the twenty mile high club.”
“Who knows?” was already taken
*Have you heard the California Lottery’s Super Lotto Plus slogan? It’s “Maybe.” I think “Maybe” is also the C.I.A.’s motto. W.M.D.’s? Maybe. An Osama/Saddam connection? Maybe.
That’s enough
*I’ve had it with spam, junk e-mail. Apparently there is somebody in Russia who is under the impression I need to enlarge my penis. It just shows how misinformed they are.
And, finally
*There was an embarrassing moment during Bill Clinton’s book signing. Clinton misunderstood when one of his fans complimented his “60 Minutes” performance, Clinton said;
“Thanks, but I have to give some of the credit for my sixty minutes performance to Viagra.”
Since you asked
As a father of a sweet five-year-old girl, I am truly upset about the current and popular slut-oriented young women’s fashion look. And, as a guy, I am downright incensed it wasn’t around when I was single.
When I was single, we didn’t have the now legally required butt/back tattoos to identify the real feisty player women. We only had cigarettes, ankle bracelets and cheap perfume. Maybe an angora sweater and a garter belt. Maybe.
Not all of the legally required female-player back/butt tattoos are attractive to us guys. For example, the “Does this tattoo make my butt look big?” is not popular with us guys. Neither is the “Objects in this tattoo are larger than they appear.” But I think the least attractive female-player butt/back tattoo for us guys has to be; “Don’t even THINK about parking here.”
P.S. Fellow Cubs fans, could you please refrain from using either the names Paul or Bako around me for a day or so?
posted by Alex at
10:32 AM
<< Home