Friday, February 20, 2004

Oh yes, it got all goooooood to us up in there, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Is it just me?
*Maybe it’s just me, but Dennis Kucinich reminds me of the party guest who asks for more cheese puffs when the hosts are in their pajamas and brushing their teeth.

No thanks
*Howard Dean is headed back to Vermont to resume his medical practice. Dean has to be furious about his campaign collapse. You know who I feel sorry for? The first guy who Dean gives a prostate exam. He’s in for a rough time.

How ugly is it?
*It is looking ugly for the University of Colorado football team? How ugly? Uglier than Al Sharpton in tight lycra bike shorts.

Can you believe all of the sexual abuse, violence, drinking and general immorality charged to the University of Colorado football program? One more charge and the whole team is going to be ordained as a Catholic parish.

On the heels of Janet Jackson breast stunt, now the Colorado football team has been charged with rape and sexual abuse. Remember when the only sex in football was when the players patted each other on the ass? Not that, I uh, am for that, not that there is anything wrong with it. . . never mind.

A lesson learned
*According to the magazine "Us Weekly”, David Gest, Liza’s ex is engaged to Diana Ross. It’s good the see Gest learned his lesson about marrying sexually incompatible volatile drunk divas.

This better work for Gest, his next option is down to Yoko Ono.

The only reason Diana Ross is marrying Gest is that she is too cheap to hire a driver.

It’s sweet. Diana and David have written their own vows: “Do you, drunk prima donna, take this obviously gay primma donna?

*Just to give you an idea how many gay wedding receptions there have been in California, there is an actual CD shortage of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”

Asta la vista, license
*Arnold Schwarzenegger says the California gay marriage licenses that have been issued are illegal. Arnold feels people should only get married for the same reason he married Maria Shriver: purely for shameless political prestige.

A stretch even for me
*President Bush said he is troubled by the gay marriages in San Francisco. When asked if he had a problem with the consummation of gay marriages, Bush said; “I don’t care what soup they like.”

Oh please
*The new ads for KFC claim that instead of Kentucky Fried Chicken, KFC now stands for Kitchen Fresh Chicken. Yeah right, how about it stands for Keep Fooling Consumers?

Now that’s lonely
The San Diego State football team is under allegations of alcohol use. The truth is if they banned all the college football players who drank alcohol, the entire next season would be lonelier than a “Dennis Kucinich for President” rally.