Saturday, February 07, 2004

Let’s throw down, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The gayer picker upper
Have you seen the new Brawny towel guy? They replaced the rugged lumberjack guy with, well, a prettier and more sensitive type of guy. In fact, they went so sensitive they might have to change the brand name from Brawny to Fabuloussssss.

I guess Brawny had to go with a gay man because they know no straight guy has ever cleaned up with a paper towel before.

When I looked at the new Bounty towel guy I could practically hear the Village People sing “YMCA.”

If the Brawny towel guy looked any gayer he'd be Cher

Do you believe?
Anyone see the movie “Miracle”? It turns out it’s about our Cinderella Gold medal hockey team. See, I thought “Miracle” was a documentary on what it would take for Howard Dean to win.

Happy Birthday to Ronald Reagan who is 93. 93, that means the Reagan has lived one year for every person who has voted for Dennis Kucinich.

Not right
*Janet Jackson has been excluded from the Grammys. That doesn’t seem fair. Just like it isn’t fair that Timberlake got farther with Jackson than I did on my first three high school girlfriends.

No news is not good news
*I don’t want to say that it is a slow news day, but I’d give anything if Justin Timberlake would rip something else off of Janet Jackson.

Not so bad
*Robert Blake has fired his third lawyer. Maybe Blake isn’t so crazy after all. Anyone who can’t stand lawyers can’t be all bad.

Long shot
*The movie “Miracle” is out about the gold medal 1980 US Olympic hockey team. Just to give you an idea of what a long-shot that team was, they had as much chance to win a medal, much less a gold, as Dennis Kucinich has to win Wisconsin.

A shocker
*38-year-old heavyweight boxing champion Lennox Lewis announced he is retiring from boxing. Wow, that’s young to announce the first of the usual six or seven boxing retirements.

So Beaner is out?
*According to Fox News, Latino’s find the term "illegal immigrant” highly offensive, equating it with a racial slur. So I guess they’d find “trespassing miscreant lawbreakers” really bad.

This explains it
*Central Intelligence Agency Director George Tenet spoke after doubts about pre-war intelligence came up. Turns out it was a horrible mistake. Instead of weapons of mass destruction, Tenet thought he heard them say weapons of bass detection. Yeah, fishing gear. Oops. His bad.

Good news
Dennis Kucinich vowed to stay in the presidential race. This is great news for his supporter.

Fun fact
This is interesting. I don’t know Dennis Kucinich’s heritage, but his name, Kucinich is an old Slavic word which means Snowball in hell.

Go crazy
Kucinich’s supporters were happy to hear he is staying in the race. In fact, they celebrated by getting an entire booth at TGI Fridays for happy hour.

T.A.I. Fridays
*The Muslim feast of Eid al-Adha was this week. You could tell by the crowds packing it in for happy hour at all the Thank Allah It’s Friday restaurants.

The Muslim feast of Eid al-Adha was this week. The special at all the Thank Allah It’s Friday was slaughtered lamb fajitas.