Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Oh no we dih’ ‘nt, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Ding dong
Did you see Justin Timberlake in that rumpled suit? He looked like he was going to leave the Grammys to go sell door-to-door magazine subscriptions. “Hi, I’m Justin and I’m trying to earn a scholarship . . .”

A little different
Beyonce took home five Grammys. And for his 35th birthday, Bobby Brown took home five grams.

What are the odds?
The Iraqi Governing Council's top diplomat criticized the U.S. occupation authority for passing over Iraqi companies in favor of giving reconstruction contracts to foreign firms. Can you imagine that? An Iraqi official criticizing the U.S.? Gosh, I hope President Bush sleeps tonight.

What a shocker
Senator John Kerry campaigned in West Virginia. Did you know that Kerry is married to a Heinz heiress? Yeah, West Virginians were shocked. They said; “Your sister is a Heinz heiress?”

Talking tough
Did you hear Justin Timberlake’s apology? Don’t you just love it when skinny little white performers talk tough using street talk? Timberlake is not tough. Janet Jackson’s bustier had to be rigged to come off easily or it would have kicked Timberlake’s skinny ass.

*After watching the Grammys last night, I have a request. Can we make it illegal for weasely white performers to sing or talk using urban street talk? “Yo, yo, yo, check it, I’m from Brentwood, the ‘hood of the wood, yeah. I want to give a shout out to my Starbucks Homies.”

It suddenly hit him
*Stanford alum Tiger Woods was at the Stanford/Arizona basketball game with his Swedish swimsuit model fiancée, Erin Nordegren. Tiger went nuts celebrating at the end of the game. Not because Stanford won, Tiger suddenly remembered that he gets to go home with a Swedish swimsuit model.

*Sunday the Lakers barely beat the last place Orlando Magic. With Shaquille O’Neal’s continued poor free-throw shooting and lackluster defense, the L.A. Lakers now have Karl Malone, the mailman, and Shaq, the Mail-it-in-Man.

Kerry it home
*John Kerry accused the Bush administration is being “out of touch with mainstream America.” Like the rest of us, Kerry knows the difficulty of attending exclusive private schools, Yale and then marrying a Heinz fortune heiress. You know, the common touch.

John Kerry has the same initials as JFK and has idolized and emulated Kennedy including graduating from an Ivy League school, serving in the Navy and getting elected to the Senate. And yet Kerry doesn’t quite bring Kennedy to mind. Kerry is more like a grainy photocopy of JFK. Kerry is sort of a JFK light.