Thursday, February 05, 2004

Hit that thang and work it, work it, work it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Personally, I think the joint should be called Whackos
Michael and Janet’s father, Joe Jackson, opened his own restaurant in West Hollywood, Katherine’s. Janet couldn’t make the premier because she had nothing to wear.

Since when did that stop her?
Michael couldn’t make it. He had already eaten at a Chuckie Cheese.

Go away
A Tennessee woman has filed a class action lawsuit against Janet Jackson and everyone involved in the bare breast stunt claiming it caused “a serious injury.” Oh please, what did she do, bang her head on the TV trying to get a better look? Shut up.

Poor guy
*Can you believe the grocery store strike is still going on? To show you how bad it is, Michael Jackson now has to go to a Seven Eleven to get his Jesus juice.

What’s a girl gotta do?
*Following Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl breast stunt poor Christine Aguilera has to wonder what she has to do to stay the sluttiest singer.

Don’t worry, Christina Aguilera, Janet Jackson may have past you as the sluttiest singer, but, Christina, you’ll always be the skankiest.

So to speak
*The furor over the Super Bowl halftime stunt refuses to die down. Boy, this time Janet Jackson has really caught her tit in a singer, I mean ringer.

So that’s it

*Did you see the Super Bowl commercial where the guy accidentally uses a McDonalds wrapper as laundry freshener on his wife’s blouse and it acts like an aphrodisiac and he jumps her? When McDonald’s changed their motto to “I’m lovin’ it” I thought the it meant food.

Or not
*Britney Spears might become the next Bond girl. Bond girls are famous for their names, like Pussy Galore and Dr. Holly Goodhead. What’s Britney’s Bond-girl name? Drunky I-Do.

Justified fear
*CBS announced today they will be using a five second tape delay when they televise the Grammy’s next week. They are terrified American Idol’s Ruben will have a wardrobe malfunction.

Nice look
*Pakistani President Musharraf has pardoned a nuclear scientist for leaking secrets. What is the deal with that Musharraf guy’s hair? Is that a hat or did an otter land on his head? Forget who leaked the secrets, who leaked the ink on his head?

*What with all of the denials, retractions, and P.R.. spinning of Janet Jackson’s stunt, one thing has become very clear: Big shot singers think we are all a pack of mouth-breathing morons: “Duh, oh, it was a accident? OK. It sure were lucky she had on that purty, purty nipple shield.”

Since you asked:
This blog is kind of like a guy furiously picking his nose at a traffic light. It’s easy to forget others can see it.

I’ll be talking to one of my friends on the phone, and I will spring a joke on them, and they will say, “What are you, drunk? I read that on your web site.” And then I am busted; “Huh? Oh yeah, uh, I thought I just came up with that right now. Heh, heh.”

By the way, when I catch someone nose-mining at a light, I like to stare right at them. They first look at you with no awareness, then it suddenly hits them; “Hey, I’m picking my nose and he can see me.” Then they get a look of horror followed by a look of avoidance, like a dog relieving itself: “If I don’t see him, he can’t see me.”