Oh, it is on right now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers, it is so on
Got something for that
*Singer Bobby Brown has been charged with beating his wife Whitney Houston. Brown slapped Whitney and cut her lip and bruised her face. Asked if she was OK, Whitney replied; “Don’t worry, I think I have something that will numb the pain.”
Apparently, after an argument, Brown slapped his wife in the face. Upon hearing that, Bill Clinton said; “You can do that?”
I did not have sex with that hand
In iVillage.com, sex counselor Patti Britton explains why men fall asleep after sex; after an orgasm, the hormone oxytocin is released which induces sleep. That’s why Bill Clinton doesn’t like Internet porn; he got tired of waking up with keyboard marks on his face.
(You can't tell from my jokes that Clinton has been out of office for almost four years, can you?)
Who would have guessed?
*Trista and Ryan got married on ABC. At the wedding Trista wore a pair of $150,000 diamond studded shoes. She doesn’t get to keep the shoes, Trista has to give them back to their owner, David Gest.
For Chanukah
*Have you started your Holiday shopping? Today I got Joe Lieberman a useful gift: a towel. He can cry into it and then throw it in the ring.
Woof field?
The San Diego Padres signed right-handed reliever Akinori Otsuka. At the press conference at Petco Park, Otsuka said he was happy to be in San Diego, but he only had one question: why did the Padres name their new park after a tasty entrée?
Oh, boo and hoo
*Canada, Russia and, of course, France have their undies in a twist over not being allowed to bid on Iraq reconstruction projects. Why don’t they get this? It’s simple: if you didn’t blow up anything, you don’t get to rebuild it. Why is that so hard?
In my opinion, I think they should reconsider and allow France to bid on the Iraqi reconstruction. After all, France is the world’s leading expert in rebuilding after humiliating military defeats.
Good thinking
*There is a lot of consideration to make hand-held phones illegal in cars, you have to use a headset. The headset is important, that way the driver has both hands on the steering wheel when they pile into you.
File this under: Those that got get.
In addition to her hotel inheritance, Paris Hilton stands to make ten million dollars this year in TV and advertising revenues. Let me give Paris a little financial advice: Paris, now that you have all that money, don’t be afraid to buy some panties.
In her show “The Simple Life” Paris Hilton gets a lot of criticism for being uninformed and spoiled. Let’s face it folks, if I was heir to the Hilton fortune, all I would know how to do is ring for the butler.
Since you asked:
Yes, Slats and Nugs, I know what you're thinking; Why hasn't the level of comic brilliance exhibited by this writer been rewarded in the form of a vast accumulation of wealth? Well, as the British say; "You may well ask."
(My tongue is firmly planted in my cheek . . . unlike Michael Jackson . . .)
Got something for that
*Singer Bobby Brown has been charged with beating his wife Whitney Houston. Brown slapped Whitney and cut her lip and bruised her face. Asked if she was OK, Whitney replied; “Don’t worry, I think I have something that will numb the pain.”
Apparently, after an argument, Brown slapped his wife in the face. Upon hearing that, Bill Clinton said; “You can do that?”
I did not have sex with that hand
In iVillage.com, sex counselor Patti Britton explains why men fall asleep after sex; after an orgasm, the hormone oxytocin is released which induces sleep. That’s why Bill Clinton doesn’t like Internet porn; he got tired of waking up with keyboard marks on his face.
(You can't tell from my jokes that Clinton has been out of office for almost four years, can you?)
Who would have guessed?
*Trista and Ryan got married on ABC. At the wedding Trista wore a pair of $150,000 diamond studded shoes. She doesn’t get to keep the shoes, Trista has to give them back to their owner, David Gest.
For Chanukah
*Have you started your Holiday shopping? Today I got Joe Lieberman a useful gift: a towel. He can cry into it and then throw it in the ring.
Woof field?
The San Diego Padres signed right-handed reliever Akinori Otsuka. At the press conference at Petco Park, Otsuka said he was happy to be in San Diego, but he only had one question: why did the Padres name their new park after a tasty entrée?
Oh, boo and hoo
*Canada, Russia and, of course, France have their undies in a twist over not being allowed to bid on Iraq reconstruction projects. Why don’t they get this? It’s simple: if you didn’t blow up anything, you don’t get to rebuild it. Why is that so hard?
In my opinion, I think they should reconsider and allow France to bid on the Iraqi reconstruction. After all, France is the world’s leading expert in rebuilding after humiliating military defeats.
Good thinking
*There is a lot of consideration to make hand-held phones illegal in cars, you have to use a headset. The headset is important, that way the driver has both hands on the steering wheel when they pile into you.
File this under: Those that got get.
In addition to her hotel inheritance, Paris Hilton stands to make ten million dollars this year in TV and advertising revenues. Let me give Paris a little financial advice: Paris, now that you have all that money, don’t be afraid to buy some panties.
In her show “The Simple Life” Paris Hilton gets a lot of criticism for being uninformed and spoiled. Let’s face it folks, if I was heir to the Hilton fortune, all I would know how to do is ring for the butler.
Since you asked:
Yes, Slats and Nugs, I know what you're thinking; Why hasn't the level of comic brilliance exhibited by this writer been rewarded in the form of a vast accumulation of wealth? Well, as the British say; "You may well ask."
(My tongue is firmly planted in my cheek . . . unlike Michael Jackson . . .)
posted by Alex at
11:31 AM
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