Tuesday, November 25, 2003

We got your back, dog- Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Tacky Americans
More tension between the U.S. and Great Britain. The Royal family claimed President Bush’s three helicopters ruined the grass and garden at Buckingham Palace. Not only that, but they broke several of Prince Charles’ “Cher” lawn statues.

That would do it
*The Center for Disease Control has announced that syphilis is up for the second year in a row with most of the increase in western states like California. Scientists attribute this increase in syphilis in California to the fact that Paris Hilton lives there.

He Rushed to treatment too soon
*The Senate passed a sweeping Medicare bill that includes prescription drug benefits for seniors. Man, bad timing for Rush Limbaugh, just when he got clean.

Snooze alarm
Apparently relaxed turkeys taste better so the National Farmer's Union in London has come up with a plan to play soothing songs to the birds, like Kenny-G’s music. So, for a change, people will be putting the turkeys to sleep.

A long time
Former Beatles drummer Pete Best turned 62 yesterday. That’s over 124 in; “What was I thinking?” years.

No problem
When he was booked, Michael Jackson was listed as 5.11, but merely 120 pounds. Michael doesn’t have to worry about prison, he can just walk out between the bars.

It’s not all bad news for Michael Jackson. His mug-shot won the Edvard Munch; “The Scream” look-alike contest.

Poor doggyIn North Carolina, a five-legged dog had to have two of his hind legs removed. In addition, after they took two of his five legs, they had change his name from Tripper to Skipper.

You know what they call removing a dog’s legs in Korea? Carving the Thanksgiving dinner.

Finger lickin’ good
KFC is being criticized for claiming in its ads that fried chicken is good for you. In response, KFC said, “Hey if Michael Jackson can claim he’s innocent, we can say deep fried fatty food is healthy.”