We all crazy like ‘dat, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Rush ain’t holdin no mo’
*The Republican governor of New Hampshire launched programs to allow residents to buy lower-cost drugs from Canada. The Republicans had no choice but to turn to Canada, their U.S. drug source dried up when Rush Limbaugh cleaned-up.

That computer is amazingly consistent
*This just in: The BCS college football computer just decided that that Tristen should marry Jack Osbourne instead of Ryan.

Whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on
*Did you hear that there was an earthquake back east? People were shaking like Whitney Houston when Bobby Brown rolls up his sleeves.

A bruised and bleeding Whitney Houston called the police Sunday and said her husband singer Bobby Brown slapped her in the face. Why do they still call this Brown clown a singer? Isn’t he a full time drug-felon and wife-beater who used to dabble in singing?

Good move
*Britney Spears album “In the Zone” is doing well at #3. In fact, Britney’s album is doing so well that, in an effort to re-start his career, Michael Bolton asked if he could French kiss Madonna.

Like we care
*U.S. allies that opposed the war in Iraq were angered by the Pentagon's decision to bar their bids for Iraqi reconstruction contracts. Canada threatened to halt aid, Russia has implied threats, and France turned up their noses and insulted us. Oh wait, they always do that.

France, Germany and Canada are like my loud, drunk cousin Ronnie who went to my bachelor party and my wedding reception but he didn’t bother to buy a wedding present.

More BS, err, BCS
*Apparently BCS computer wasn’t done after picking the college Bowl games. Today the BCS computer picked Yoko Ono as the winner of “American Idol,” it named Madonna as the Oscar winner for best actress and it picked John Kerry as the Democratic Presidential nominee.