The bird was the word all up in the hizzy yesterdiddy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

Gooble, gooble, you silly persons
*I had a wild Thanksgiving; instead of dressing the turkey, we gave it a queer makeover.

Surprise, surprise, surprise
*President Bush surprised the troops in Iraq at Thanksgiving dinner at the Baghdad International Airport, which used to be the Saddam Hussein Airport. Boy, talk about flipping Saddam the bird . . .

Can you imagine how mad that must have made Saddam? The President having Thanksgiving at Saddam’s old airport? Maybe that’s been our plan all along, why kill Saddam when you can piss him off.

Why did we elect him if he isn’t going to work?
*An L.A. photographer was barred from selling topless photos of Cameron Diaz. Hello? Governor Schwarzenegger? Did you have too much turkey? Wake up and overturn this.

Do you know what Chi Chi’s are in Spanish?
*Did you hear about the hepatitis outbreak at the Pennsylvania Chi Chi’s restaurant? Today Chili’s restaurant changed their motto to: We’re Not Chi Chi’s.

Rough week
Man, this was not my week. This Thanksgiving I had planned to meet Carmen Electra at a Chi Chi’s restaurant and propose while they played a Michael Jackson song.

Get help and call
Guitarist Dave Navarro married ultra-babe Carmen Electra. For you guys depressed over this news, a hotline has been formed: 1-800-O-Grow Up.

I though it looked familiar
Have you seen the Miller commercial where all the people fall right over and knock each other down like dominoes? They got the concept from watching the San Diego Chargers practice.

So sad
*”San Francisco Chronicle” editor Phil “the ex-Mr Sharon Stone” Bronstein might hire Sean Penn to report from Iraq. Bronstein was going to have another big lizard bite off his toe, but he thought hiring Penn might be an easier way to get his name back in the news.