We gonna smack some sick silly on you, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That explains it
*In an interview in GQ Monica Lewinski said doesn’t have a boyfriend and hasn’t had one in a long time. Monica said one of her past relationships left a bad taste in her mouth.

Hail, hail, Freedonia
*President Bush has urged Europeans to take a new path in the Middle East. Bush said they owed it to their fine country of Europea.

There was an embarrassing moment when President Bush was in London, when they asked Bush how he liked Great Britain, Bush asked; “But I thought we were in England?”

Labor intensive
*Man, I am tired. I was up all night changing all my Cincinnati Bengals jokes into San Diego Charger jokes.

That should do it
*Authorities are waiting for Michael Jackson to surrender. They should tell him not to think of it as being arrested, just think of it as a really long time out.

Did you hear about Michael Jackson’s greatest hits? There was the one at Chuckie Cheese, the playground, the time he baby-sat . . .

The police have issued an arrest warrant for Michael Jackson on charges of child molestation. If this thing goes to trial, here is my question: how are they going to find a jury of Michael Jackson’s peers? He’s by far the weirdest guy on this planet. They’ll have to find jurors on Pluto.

It’s all here . . . well, most of it, anyway
*First CBS had to yank the “The Reagans” and now they have to yank a Michael Jackson special. And CBS may want to re-think launching their upcoming; “Osama bin Laden Hour.”

Normally, viewers would be upset at all of those programming changes, but, luckily for CBS, their viewers are too old to remember any changes.

Lucky him
*Phil Collins is reportedly suffering from severe hearing loss; the good news for Phil is that he will never again have to listen to; “Sussusido”