Somebody in for some righteous jollification up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Where, exactly, is that other place?
*There was an embarrassing moment at the White House. A reporter asked President Bush how it felt to travel incognito on Thanksgiving. Bush replied; “We weren’t incognito, we were in Iraq.”

He thought coach had a Buick
*Oakland Raiders coach Bill Callahan called the Raiders “The dumbest team in America.” They asked a Raider player to comment on Callahan’s disparagement, and he said; “I didn’t know coach drove a Disparagement.”

A sure sign
*In an interview in “Newsweek,” Bill Gates said, because of the way he grew up, he thinks of himself as upper-middle class, not rich. Bill, when you have to use an ATM with a wide screen just so he can see your balance, you’re rich.

The Define-inator
*It looks like, thanks to Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, the California driver’s license for illegal aliens will be repealed. That’s how dumb our lawmakers are: it took a former bodybuilder who speaks English as a second language to explain what the illegal in illegal aliens means.

Jack talks smack
*Jack Nicholson claims he has slept with over 2000 women but he fanaticizes about Britney Spears. Asked to comment, Britney said; “Like, ewwwww.” And then she ran and took a shower.

Jack Nicholson claims he has slept with over 2,000 women. Upon hearing this, Paris Hilton said, “Wow, what a coincidence, so have I.”

Goodie two-shoes
*Don’t you hate people who already have their Christmas shopping done? Those were the same kids in high school who finished their term paper before I could even decide how I was going to lie about not finishing it.

I bet Martha Stewart has her Christmas shopping done. Well, this year was easy for Martha: she bought everyone a box of Betty Crocker Cake mix, a file and a pre-paid Fed Ex box.