We ain’t gonna be half-steppin up in this here throw down, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Possum Juice
*West Virginia just became the last state to get a Starbucks. That has to hurt the state pride a bit. I think Afghanistan and Somalia got Starbucks before West Virginia.

They have a special drink at the West Virginia Starbucks, The Perky Cousin, it tastes good and keeps you fired up all day.

West Virginia just got it’s first Starbucks. That’s hard to believe. In Beverly Hills there are Starbucks that have their own Starbucks.

Arnold Wannabe
*In Michigan, an eight-year-old boy was accused of fondling his female classmates. In his defense, the kid claimed he wants to grow up to be governor of California.

It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone
*Everyone’s still talking about the Paris Hilton sex video, but a lot of celebrities have been in porn films; Marilyn Monroe did an old 16mm short, Sylvester Stallone was in a soft-core film, and in every movie she ever has been in, Madonna screws her career.

So there he is
*Did you hear about the Goodyear blimp that crashed in Carson? Nobody was seriously hurt. There it was, flying along doing fine, and then it crashed landed into a pile of manure. Who was flying that thing, Gray Davis?

Did you hear about the Goodyear blimp that crashed in Carson? Nobody was seriously hurt. There it was, flying along doing fine, and then it crashed landed into a pile of manure. Today they changed its name from “Spirit of America” to “Spirit of Keyshawn Johnson.”

Kinda like that
*Track and Field has proposed a lifetime ban for any positive steroid test. As opposed to major league baseball’s proposed plan, it suggests that, after the tenth positive test, a player gets a stern talking-to.

Strike three
*Barry Bonds testified to the grand jury that the packages he received from his personal trainer were just vitamins and supplements. Yeah, and Rush Limbaugh called all those doctors to talk about golf.

One of the obvious symptoms of steroid use is increased skull growth. If Barry Bonds honestly thought he was taking supplements, why didn’t he stop when his head got the size of a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day float?

How big is Barry Bonds head? Barry Bonds bobble head doll’s head is made to scale.

All the best
Did anyone see “Trista and Ryan’s Wedding?” It has all the depth of “The Anna Nicole Smith Show” without the complicated story lines of Paris Hilton’s “The Simple Life.”