This is how we roll up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Good news bad news kinda thang
Al Gore endorsed Howard Dean. That’s gotta be like Martha Stewart giving you a hot stock tip.

I apologize ahead of this joke
*The USC Trojans beat Oregon State Beavers 52-28. In fact, Trojans haven’t pounded Beavers this hard since Paris Hilton’s last birthday party.


And also this one
*Clinton Portis scored five touchdowns for the Broncos. That’s the most a Clinton has scored since Bill interviewed White House interns.

How cold was it?
*How about that storm back east? People in New York were shivering like Glen Cambell five minutes before Happy Hour.

Mon Ami
*According to the Paris tourist office, tourism in Paris is improving slightly since the slump at the start of the Iraq war. In fact, for the first time in almost a year, more people were in the Paris Hilton than were in Paris Hilton.

Suspicious
*A Judge threw out all bribery charges against two former 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Games bid officials. I smell a rat. Afterwards, the two defendants thanked their lawyers, and their lawyers thanked Lawrence Taylor for sending the judge Tiffany and Heather.

Read left to right
*Chicago Cubs second baseman Mark Grudzielanek took nearly a 50% pay cut, from $5.5 million to $2.5 million, to stay with the Cubs. Grudzielanek can afford the pay cut for all the money he makes lending his last name out to eye charts.

Not to mention the ones under the White House desk
Bill and Hillary Clinton have both been nominated for Grammy Awards in the same category. I think Bill’s CD is composed of his greatest hits: The hit at the Hooters waitress, the one on the flight attendant on Air Force one, the stripper at the Las Vegas convention . . .

Stocking stuffers
If you are searching for a good stocking stuffer, you can’t go wrong with either Bill or Hillary’s CD’s. Glen Cambell said they make great drink coasters.