We is straight mobbin' these here mad crazy jokeizzles, yo, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Word

What about the figs?
*Sir Richard Branson announced he wants Virgin Atlantic to be the first airline to establish regular flights again to Baghdad. Of course, to comply with Baghdad’s overwhelmingly Muslim population, they will have to call it 72 Virgin Atlantic.


Visualization is the key
*President Bush at the Boeing factory tried his hand at fastening a screw into an engine frame with a power tool. Bush just pictured the engine as a democrat, then it was easy for him to screw it.

How fast are they?
*Sprinting greats Marion Jones and Tim Montgomery are expecting a baby. Is it too soon to get some money down on this family at their first school picnic race?

Whoops
*There was an embarrassing moment during the White House Easter Egg hunt this weekend. One of the kids ran up to President Bush and presented a chocolate bunny he found hidden on the lawn. They then informed the child that there were no chocolate bunnies hidden and then they whisked Bush’s dog Barney away.

Kabooom
*There was a scary moment during the Chicago Cubs 2-8 loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates. Sammy Sosa was hit in the head by a pitch so hard his helmet broke apart. Sammy will be OK, but that helmet broke up like a Jennifer Lopez marriage.

In the press conference in the clubhouse afterwards, Sammy said he was fine but he wanted to know what all those reporters were doing in his bedroom.