Saturday, April 19, 2003

Don’t be hatin’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Who gives a rat’s . . .
The WNBA players avoided a last second strike. Oh, what a relief. Otherwise, they would have had to cancel the entire rest of the WNBA season that nobody cares about anyway.

The WNBA is a mystery to me. Nobody I know has ever watched a single game, let alone attended one, and yet, the WNBA just keeps going on. Sort of like Madonna’s acting career.

A WNBA game is the sports equivalent of the WB Network, just one more thing to flip over when changing channels to get to something worth watching.

The good news for the WNBA is that they avoided a strike and their season won’t be cancelled. The bad news is that Martha Burk wants them to sign a male player.

Awww, that’s sweet . . .
Baseball Hall of Fame president Dale Petroskey apologized to actors Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins for canceling a ``Bull Durham'' celebration because of their anti-war stance. In this spirit of conciliation, fellow, “Bull Durham” actor Kevin Costner then apologized to everyone for his movie; “Water World.”

Deal with it
The military has issued a deck of cards with faces of the most wanted Iraqi bad guys. They are ranked - with Saddam Hussein as the Ace of Spaces - in terms of how bad they are. This has to make the guys on the jokers upset:

(In my best Apu accent)
“Why am I having being only on a joker? I am much worse than Hasseem over there and he rates a Jack? By Allah, this is not being very fair. I deserve at least a face card. I am bad, bad man.”

Good Boy
The next test for Chicago White Sox security was Dog Day Saturday. Fans got to bring their dogs to the game and there were no incidents of dogs charging the field and attacking anyone. The White Sox are now considering banning people and only allowing dogs.

Actually, there was one incident of a dog running on to the field and charging the ump. The good news is it didn’t want to fight, it only wanted a tummy rub.

You know your team is bad when . . .
One of the promotions going around Major League Baseball parks is Dog Day. Fans get to bring their dogs with them to watch the game. Except in Tampa Bay, where PETA has determined that subjecting a dog to a Devil Ray’s game is considered cruel and unusual punishment.