Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Let me hear ya, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

Have you heard the revisions to “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” at the White Sox games?

Take me out to the ballgame/ Let me run onto the field

Find me an ump or a coach to nail/ I don’t care if I wind up in jail

For it’s drink, drink, drink ‘til you’re hammered/ the security will be blamed

For it’s one, two, three slugs and you’re out at the White Sox Game

Down in front
*In Chicago, a fan attacked an umpire at the White Sox Kansas City Royals game. This is the second time fans have attacked at a White Sox, Royals game. The White Sox should probably re-think their promotion when the Royals are in town for Crown
Royal whisky night.

Did you see a picture of the idiot all bloody with a bandage around his head? He looked like he went for a joy ride with Rodney King.

It’s just too bad to see his son couldn’t make it to the game with him.

One more drunken attack and they will have to legally change their name to the Chicago White Trash.

At least this guy had his shirt on, not like that tacky shirtless father and son team last season. It’s nice to see the White Sox are drawing a higher class of drunken attacking fans.

Did you see the sign the White Sox put up at U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago?

“If We Wanted You On the Field, You’d Be Wearing a Uniform”

When did White Sox baseball include audience participation? This isn’t improvisational dinner theater, folks, it’s baseball. Stay in your damn seats. This is very embarrassing for die-hard White Sox fans. They only get in fights after the game.

From soap opera to hand lotion opera
*Daytime television is going to air their first lesbian kiss on “All My Children” which will be getting All My Attention.

Suddenly guys don’t think soap operas are so stupid.

The Count: One, one bad joke, two, two bad jokes . .
*U.S. special forces raided the Baghdad home of a microbiologist nicknamed ``Dr. Germ'' who ran Iraq's secret biological laboratory. Wasn’t Dr. Germ on “Sesame Street”? I’m pretty sure Dr. Germ was the one who treated Oscar the Grouch for hemorrhoids.

The Utah Supreme Court has ruled an atheist has the right to pray at government sponsored public functions. In an equally important issue, they also ruled that vegetarians can enter Hot Dog Eating Contests.

Mellow yellow
*The alert level has been lowered from Orange to Yellow. So what does a yellow alert mean? Look out for people who are yellow, like the French, the Canadians and the Germans?

Yuck and ouch
It’s the day after taxes are due. Today the entire country feels like the new guy the day after his Welcome to Prison party.