Tuesday, April 15, 2003

A lot of venting be goin' on all up in this here Hizzy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Ride into the danger zone
Actor Tim Robbins has made it well known that he is vehemently opposed to military action of any kind. And yet the pro-military movie “Top Gun” launched his film career. So, apparently, Robbins only supports military action if it has a really cool sound track.

A taxing time
How many have done their taxes? How many have filed an extension? How many have blamed Geraldo Rivera for announcing all of your phony deductions?

I did not know that
*President Bush is accusing Syria of hiding weapons of mass destruction. Did you know what the name Syria means? It’s Arabic for Round Two.

That serious, Syria?
President Bush is accusing Syria of hiding weapons of mass destruction. This is serious. As we speak, Geraldo Rivera is studying a map of Syria so he can correctly announce troop locations.

King of pain
*Rodney King is in a hospital with a broken hip after crashing his car going over 100 mph. King was so injured the police didn’t even feel the need to beat him up afterwards.

It’s called Chateau Mini Mall
*7-Eleven is coming out with its own wine. This is the only place where the hot dogs are aged longer than the wine.

In fact, the aged-one-month wine goes great with the aged-one-year hotdogs.

That’s a lot for glue
*2002 Kentucky Derby winner War Emblem has reportedly been a dud as a stud for his new owners in Japan, who paid $17 mil for his male-services. In fact, the only thing War Emblem has screwed is his new owners.

How bad a deal was that? The Japanese owners are thinking of re-naming War Emblem Hiroshima.

Speaking of such
*The Detroit Tigers will have to pay a record $14.3 mil to released second baseman Damion Easley, the most ever eaten by a major league team. That’s the most expensive hosing since J. Howard Marshall II married Anna Nicole Smith.

Safety first
*The Canadian prime minister has ordered the Canadian navy not to capture any of Saddam’s henchmen if they try to flee Iraq by sea. It’s a safety issue: these Iraqi-guys wear swords and they could pop the Canadian boats.

Play taps
*On his last Washington home game, Michael Jordan received a U.S. flag from Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. Jordan then used the flag to drape it over the body of the Wizard’s playoff chances.

That’s a lot of brew
*7-11 is also offering their own beer. It’s called; “Skateboard Punks Go Away”

Since you asked:

Fellow Cubs fans, is there anything in the world more disappointing on television than turning to WGN expecting a Cubs game, and seeing a re-run of "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" instead? Guy’s, that's the TV equivalent of the difference between who looks better in a bathing suit “Alias” star Jennifer Garner or “Rockford Files” star James Garner.

OK, that may be too fine a point, but you get the point.