Saturday, April 12, 2003

What’s the dealio, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Deal with it
The U.S. Military issued a deck of cards with pictures of the most wanted figures in Iraq they want to hunt down. Saddam is on the Ace of Spades. And guess who is on the joker? Geraldo Rivera.

You know what would be bad? If by some horrible clerical error, your face ended up in that deck of cards. “Oh crap, I’m the Jack of Diamonds.”

What’s next? Terrorists, the board game?

Did anyone else find the pictures of Baghdad depressing? For some reason, I thought it would be exotic and cool. Nope. Baghdad looks like Tijuana without the bars and tattoo parlors.

Everyone in the US is all excited that the Iraqi’s are so delirious with freedom they tore down the Saddam Hussein statues. That’s not why they tore them down. You know why they tore down those Saddam Hussein statues? Because they were so freakin’ ugly.

Saddam was not a good-looking guy. He looked like Yogi Bear’s bitter brother.

Awww, Crikey, mate
Reports from Australia say that Russell Crowe was teary-eyed at his wedding. I’d be teary-eyed also of I had to give up all those women.

People are amazed that wild man Russell Crowe is getting married. How did his bride, Dannielle Spencer get him to commit? Two words: Photographic evidence. My guess is that he should not have mixed beer and sheep.