Don’t be half-steppin all up in here or you gonna get crazy played, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

That makes sense
*Saddam Hussein issued a statement offering cash rewards for anyone who help identify spies for the US- led coalition. The only person who has tried to cash in so far is Geraldo Rivera.

Call now
``Alias'' star Jennifer Garner and her husband, actor Scott Foley, are splitting. For all you guys who think they are interested in taking Jennifer on a date, please dial 1-800-U Trippin’.

Uday is Azycray
One of Saddam Hussein’s son is named Uday. Isn’t that pig Latin for Dude? Uday Husseinsay.

Have you seen the Iraqi Dell commercial? “Uday, you’re getting an Ellday.”

American Ego
*There will be another reality competition on NBC called “The Apprentice” where 20 executive wannabe’s work for Donald Trump and try not to get fired. Their tasks will include doing research, contacting customers and giving Trump his daily eyebrow comb-over.

Bird Flak
*The New York Yankees are upset over a Toronto Blue Jay newspaper ad that features a Yankee hat splattered with bird-doo. Careful, Toronto, that is how to get the two most annoying things in the world after you, Yankee owner George Steinbrenner and PETA.

Oops
*As our troops descend on Baghdad, Saddam Hussein issued a statement saying “Victory is at hand.” Unfortunately for Saddam, nobody can seem to locate his hand.

That’s well hit
*Barry Bonds first hit of the season was a 463-foot blast that highlighted the San Francisco Giants' 8-1 win over the San Diego Padres Tuesday night. To give you an idea how well Bonds hit that, chances are that ball would have been out even if Bonds wasn’t all jacked-up on steroids.

On the road again with Skip and Muffy
*Do you know what the latest vacation trend is with the rich and chic? Recreational vehicles. Yeah, RV’s are no longer just for retirees, they are going upscale. In fact, now you can get one of those hard hats with straws that hold two glasses of Chardonnay on top.

That explains it
The big thing now are low carbohydrate diets, like the Atkins diet. Have you ever talked to someone on one of these things? They won’t shut up about it. Apparently the first place you lose weight on a low-carb diet is the part of the brain that keeps you from being boring.