Check it, I got me some mad hops, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

It just gets worse
*Bad news for Saddam Hussein. He had Kansas in the NCAA bunker pool.

It’s just a flesh wound
*Is it just me, or does Iraq sound like the black knight in “Monty Python’s The Holy Grail”? All of his limbs are chopped off and he yells; “ Come back, I’ll bite your legs off.”

Not a Camel Bell?
*U.S. warplane dropped four bunker-busting bombs and blasted a smoking crater 60 feet deep at a restaurant where Saddam Hussein was believed to be meeting with his sons. I think the restaurant was a Jihad In The Box.

Or maybe it was an the Allah’s Garden. On second thought it was the International House of Falafel.

It smells like . . . desperation
*Researchers at the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago have discovered a new perfume that can actually make men think women are 12 pounds lighter than they are. It’s called Ode to Beer Goggles.

Ye Olde Joke
*Syracuse beat Kansas for the NCAA title. There is some controversy on how you pronounce the Capital of New York: some say Sare-uh-cuse, some say Sear-ah-kuse, but the correct pronunciation of the capital of New York is Albany.

That time of year again
Darryl Strawberry walked out of a Florida prison after serving 11 months of an 18-month sentence for violating probation on cocaine possession charges. Or as Darryl calls prison, spring training.


Since You Asked:
Flipping through the channels looking for a Chicago Cubs score, I accidentally caught Susan Sarandon on "The View." She talks more than all of those women combined. She reiterated that she is tired of being labeled unpatriotic because she is against Bush and our troops. (Of course she said she is against the war but she is in support of the troops. That is like saying you are against Cubs but you support their players) Susan Sarandon is tired of being labeled unpatriotic? How about us? We have to listen to her.

Anyway, it was cold in Chicago for the Cubs opener. 30 degrees, damp and windy. Some of the players from around the Dominican looked like the Jamaican bobsled team in “Cool Runnings” after they arrived in Calgary and put on all of the clothes that they brought.

Cubs were winning 5 to 1 last I checked, and they look gooooooooooooooood. Dare I say it? No, I dare not.