Friday, April 04, 2003

Yo Playuhhh and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

You never hear about him
It turns out Saddam Hussein has three sons. There is Uday (pig Latin for Dude) there is Qusay, and now it turns out there is also the sensitive artistic son, Bruceay

Tickets still available
U.S. troops in Iraq found thousands of boxes of white powder in viles. Do you realize what this means? Whitney Houston will be performing live in Baghdad.

Shut up unless your publicist OK’s it: Example # 4,435
Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder got boo’d at Denver when he defaced a George W. Bush mask on stage. It was during their new single; “Beat that, Dixie Chicks.”

Fashion mistake
The San Diego Padres recorded their first win of the season in a 6-1 trouncing of the Los Angeles Dodgers. It was military day. The Padres had on their military-inspired camouflage uniforms and, unfortunately for them, the Dodgers were dressed as the Iraqi republican guard.

Oh, that squid
In New Zealand they found a colossal 330 pound 16 foot squid with eyes as big as dinner plates and razor-sharp hooks on its tentacles. That is the biggest squid in the news since Geraldo.

And why wouldn’t she?
Jim Carrey's ex-wife wants a judge to award her more child support saying that their daughter cannot afford her own bodyguards, personal trainer or Pilates equipment. What? Why that’s child abuse. Next they are going to say the kid doesn’t have a masseuse.

Make them stay back a grade
Don’t you love it when Sec. of Def. Donald Rumsfeld gets cranky with the press? It reminds me of when the grumpy elementary school principal had to take over the class until the substitute teacher shows up. “Yes, you there. I’ve answered that. Next. Stupid question. Next.”

That would explain it
The numbers are in on Mardis Gras from New Orleans and business was down. Some think it was due to the economy, others say it was the war in Iraq. But most agree business was slower on Mardi Gras because Michael Moore insisted on flashing his breasts for glass beads.

Since you asked:

I got nothing today.