Pity the fools what don't know what time it is, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Do I hear $200,000?
In Iraq, the government-run news agency said Saddam had decreed that any Iraqi who kills an enemy soldier would get a reward equivalent to $14,000. The reward for capturing an enemy solider was put at $28,000. And it’s $100,000 if anyone shoots Geraldo Rivera.


A change of Le Tune
After watching the precision bombing of Baghdad, the French have altered their stance against the United States. In fact, today, French President Jacques Chirac left a message at the White House wondering if we’d, by any chance, like another big harboor statue woman.


Tres Bon
Reports that Iraqi soldiers are surrendering en masse, actually marching in formation to give themselves up. In fact, the Iraqi’s are surrendering so well, even the French are impressed.

Zee very best, oui?
Our military has gone to extensive efforts to communicate to the Iraqi’s on the proper technique for surrendering. We spared no expense at arriving on the proper surrendering technique, in fact, we hired expert consultants: The French.

Iraq and Roll
The campaign labeled Shock and Awe is underway in Baghdad. Incidentally, the name Shock and Awe is also how my wife refers to our honeymoon.

In Southern Iraq, Iraqi troops have been reportedly trying to surrender to journalists. Good to see the Iraqi military tradition being upheld.

The military’s bombing campaign against Baghdad is titled Shock and Awe. In a somewhat related story, my comedy campaign is labeled Schlock and Awe-ful.