Swing low, sweet Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


It’s time to commence a hunkerin’

The war against Iraq could be drawing near. They are making preparations to ready their supplies and equipment to handle the onslaught of Iraqi prisoners. And that’s just the CNN crews.

Not that anyone gives a rat's ass what I think, but . . .
Again, not to sound like these self-rightous dweebs who say; "But I respect your right to give your opinion . . ." but, I really have nothing against people who are against the war in Iraq. War sucks. Nobody wants war. What I have something against are these pious Hollywood meglomaniacs who feel they have to cash in on their ill-gotten fame to save all of us from ourselves.

If you don’t think the anti-war protests are political motivated, answer this question: Where were Martin Sheen, Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Striesand when President Bill Clinton bombed Bosnia?

And to paraphrase Dennis Miller, if you think for one second Barbra Striesand gives a damn about you, go to her Malibu compound and announce you would like to take her to lunch. You’ll end up in jail faster than you can say; “People who need people are the luckiest people.”

On the other hand
Colin Powell says that the U.S. has the support of 30 nations against Iraq. And when you consider that there are around 190 countries in the world, 30 is . . . well, it’s not good. And ten of those countries we actually give a rat’s ass about.

Hey, yooooo, Tony
The star of HBO’s “The Sopranos” has accepted a one million per episode contract. The contract stipulates that the actor receive payment in non-sequential bills in an unmarked envelope to be deposited in an unmarked olive oil can under the Brooklyn Bridge.

But of course
The NFL is considering a proposal to expand the playoffs by one more wild-card team for each conference. Basically this would mean that every team would have a shot to make the playoffs except of course for the Cincinnati Bengals and the Detroit Lions.

And they wonder why nobody is watching the NBA
Cleveland’s Ricky Davis, attempting his first career triple-double in the final seconds of the Cavs' 122-95 win over the Utah Jazz; Davis purposely missed a shot at the wrong basket and grabbed the rebound, mistakenly thinking it was his 10th board. In football this would be like Junior Seau intercepting a pass and then handing the ball to the other team so he could make one more tackle.

It is one thing to be such a sleaze bag that you would cheat like that, but to cheat in front of thousands of people and a TV audience redefines stupidity.

Hockey shockey
In what was described as a shocking move, the San Jose Sharks fired general manager Dean Lombardi. That is shocking. I had no idea San Jose had a hockey team.

In other shocking NHL news, the Tampa Bay Lightening want their county to take over their stadium so as to avoid future property tax. I had no idea Tampa Bay had a hockey team.

NBA?
The Chicago Bulls activated reserve guard Rick Brunson and placed guard Fred Hoiberg on the injured list with right Achilles tendonitis. “I’ll take “Who are NBA players I’ve never heard of” for $100, Alex.”

The Bulls acquired Hoiberg last season in a trade for another player you’ve never ever heard of before.