I got your back, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Dudes, that’s jacked up
*Dell will replace their Dell Dude, Stephen, with commercials featuring eager interns. Is that a good idea? Aren’t eager interns what got Bill Clinton in so much trouble?

Young Punk
*Did you see Bill Clinton debate Bob Dole on “Sixty Minutes”? Or as the “Sixty Minutes” staff refer to Bob Dole, that young whipper snapper.

The logical next choice
*The sports shoe manufacturer Pony uses adult video actresses in their ads. They were going to use professional athletes, but then they decided to use people who were more honest and respectable than the average pro athlete, so, naturally, they went with porno stars.

That’ll show ‘em . . .
*In Los Angeles, some women stripped down to their thongs to protest a possible war with Iraq. Who organized this protest, Bill Clinton?

We all know that nothing punishes a bunch of republican men more than pretty women stripping down to their thongs. That’s like punishing Ted Kennedy with a free bottle of scotch.

In a related story, several key, but lonely, male congressmen immediately suggested that the US should plan to attack a few more countries.

You hate to see that
*People who watch violent television as children behave more aggressively even 15 years later, according to TV violence studies. In addition, those children who watched “The Bill Cosby Show” will aggressively wear really ugly sweaters.

Order it to go, baby
*ESPN College hoops announcer Dick Vitale is now pitching Hooter’s restaurant on radio commercials. Hooters has named a club sandwich after Dick Vitale: It’s an open-faced turkey with a lot of cheesy ham in it.

Empty Well
*The controversy continues over New York Yankee pitcher David Well’s book excerpts that he pitched his no-hitter “half drunk” and 40% of baseball players are on steroids. This also marks the earliest any player has locked-up the John Rocker Bonehead Comment of the Year award.

Well, maybe not exactly like it
*The commercial for the cholesterol drug Zocor shows quadruple bypass survivor Atlanta Falcons coach Dan Reeves getting a bucket of ice water dumped on his head. That’s asking for trouble. That’s like showing a Viagra user a naked picture of Janet Reno right before sex.

Since you asked:
I went snowboarding in Park City, UT last week. (Yeah, I know, there is nothing worse than a comedy writer trying to be cool ) To kill time waiting for my wife to get ready, I flipped on the local Park City cable access channel. It was possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen. Imagine two generation Y, thoroughly pierced, hung-over, stoned 'boarders trying to imitate “The Today Show’s” Katie Couric and, and what's his name? That guy with the prisoner of war haircut. Oh yeah, Matt Lauer. Anyway, it was side-splitting hilarious. You could see it was absolutely killing these Jamokes to try and refrain from using the words Dude or Like, and, of course, eventually they succumbed horribly.

It made "Wayne's World" look like Shakespeare in the park.