Triple T's gonna condense the nonsense, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

We'll be in touch
Wild information is coming out of the Robert Blake preliminary hearing. It turns out Blake asked practically everyone in Hollywood to shoot his wife. Well, everyone except for Madonna, he didn't think she was right for the part.

Just what we needed when we needed it
Madonna has signed a publishing deal to write children's books. "See Sally run. See Sally jump in the bed. See Sally land on five NBA players . . .''

Hillary could write a note
Former President Bill Clinton has been tapped for jury duty for a New York attempted murder case. That has to be rough going from the leader of the free world to not being able to get out of jury duty.

That makes sense
Leaders of the congressional intelligence committees described the captured al-Qaida operative, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, as "really a big fish." When asked if the term big fish meant that he was really important, they said; "No, it’s because he stinks to high hell."

Lock on
The Rolling Stones "Forty Licks" tour will play in China. Chinese officials are said to be very pleased but confused as to what exactly a Forty Ricks is.

The Rolling Stones "Forty Licks" tour will play in China. This will mark the first time the Rolling Stones have played in China. Well, the first time since they built the great wall anyway.

Catch That Tiger
During the Accenture Match Play Championships, Tiger Woods missed a putt because his ball hit - and squashed - a bee. This marks the first time that a Tiger got in trouble with PETA for killing something.

Tres confused
This Iraq UN situation is very confusing. One story I read said that super powers continue to oppose the U.S. against Iraq. But then the story went on to say that France opposes the U.S. So which one is it? A super power, or France?

Really?
Sarah Michelle Gellar announced she is calling it quits on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." I am shocked. I had no idea that show was still on the air.

But I play one on TV
Actor Martin Sheen, who plays President Bartlett on "West Wing," appears in a TV spot opposing a war against Iraq. Sheen cited data from his National Security Advisor, but then Sheen suddenly remembered he didn't really have a National Security Advisor.

Actor Martin Sheen, who plays President Bartlett on "West Wing," appears in a TV spot opposing a war against Iraq. As a further precaution, Sheen then ordered his make up-artist to raise nuclear defense readiness to Def Con one.

Having my wife for dinner
"Hannibal" actor Anthony Hopkins wed antiques dealer Stella Arroyave in a private ceremony Sunday in Los Angeles. The reception was lovely, they served liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

"Hannibal" actor Anthony Hopkins wed antiques dealer Stella Arroyave in a private ceremony Sunday in Los Angeles. Guests couldn’t help but get the chills when the minister said "'til death you do part" and Hopkins yelled, "OK, let’s eat."

Tiger 2
Tiger Woods announced he won't play in the Dubai Desert Classic in the United Arab Emirates forsaking a $2 million appearance fee because it’s only 900 miles from Iraq. And I had no idea Tiger was part French.

We want a pitcher. No, the other kind
New York Yankees pitcher David Wells said he pitched his no-hitter half - drunk and brutally hung-over. In a related story, today the Chicago Cubs signed Diana Ross as a middle reliever. So that's the Los Angeles Dodger's problem. They don’t need more pitchers, they need to drink more pitchers.

Tiger 3
During his winning round at the Accenture Match Play Championships, Tiger Woods got very testy with spectators he thought made too much noise. If Tiger wants so much to be around fans who don’t make any noise, he should go to a Los Angeles Clippers game.

How good is Tiger Woods? On Sunday, Tiger complained that he wasn’t playing very well, he had problems with several in and out putts, the crowd noise and even a damn bumble bee hitting his ball and he still beat the 63 best players in the world.

Since you asked:

My wife got me the soundtrack CD for "Almost Famous" One of my favorite lines in that movie is when Phillip Seymore Hoffman's character, the rock critic Lester Bangs, while perusing the San Diego radio station's album collection, says;

"The Doors? Come on. Jim Morrison is a drunken buffoon pretending to be a poet. Give me "The Guess Who." They have the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic."

I was a little poetic Saturday night.