Just another day in paradise, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How empty is it?
Reports say that Baghdad looks like a ghost town. How deserted is it? Picture an entire city of movie theaters and they are all playing either Mariah Carey’s “Glitter” or Madonna’s “Swept Away,” that’s how deserted it is.

Really? That much?
Did you hear about the snow in Montana and Colorado? There is more white powder there than at Whitney Houston’s birthday party.

Nice career move
The Dixie Chicks song “Travelin’ Soldier plummeted from No. 1 on the country charts to number 3 after listeners heard their anti-Bush, antiwar remarks. In a related story, in another comeback attempt, Billy Ray Cyrus just released a single; “Bush’s Gonna Achy Breaky Saddam’s Head”

Not a total loss
The stars will skip the red carpet entrance to the Oscars. It’s not a total loss, the special services have recruited Joan Rivers to annoy a full confession out of Saddam Hussein.

You heard it here first:
There is a story circulating the Internet that computer and software technical support staff are paid by the number of calls they answer, not the problems they solve. So, once someone with a problem finally gets on the line after waiting on hold for an hour, the technicians simply hang up on them. That’s when you wish you were Spiderman. Trace the call, swing over to their office, jump through the window and give that nerd a radioactive- powered wedgy.