Oh no you di 'n't, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Tres so what?
As you know, the House changed the name of their French fries to freedom fries. You want to get back at the French? Pass an excise tax on everything that has Jerry Lewis in it.

In case you don’t know, the French consider Jerry Lewis a comic genius. Isn’t that kind of a backhanded compliment? It’s like Bill Clinton telling a woman she’s pretty. Thanks, but what do you know?

So that's where they came from
As you probably know, St. Patrick is the one who drove the snakes out of Ireland . . . and into the legal profession.


She will put the pop in Pop Star
A niece of terrorist Osama bin Laden, Waffa bin Laden, plans to launch herself as a pop star in the Great Britain. This is one time I wouldn’t mind seeing snippy “American Idol” judge Simon Cowel get truly ugly.

Waffa bin Laden. Are you effin' kidding me? Her uncle Osama always requests she sing; “You Light Up My Life.”

When Waffa Bin Laden sings "Midnight at the Oasis" the line, "send your camel to bed" takes on a whole new and ugly meaning.

It is really saying something when Michael Jackson's family isn't the whackiest family in the music business.

As a pop singer, Waffa bin Laden will bring new meaning to the term "blowing the roof off the joint."

Just when I didn't think it was possible for me to hate a singer more than Celine Dion.

My Sister Alma Mater (To my beloved UCSB) Update:

No sooner then I said that UCLA coach Steve Lavin put the ruin in Bruin, his team upset number one ranked Arizona. Then I said they may have put the B In in Bruin, then they lost to Oregon and are now out. Now the athletic director, Dan Guerrero, will put to Levin, the C U (as in later) in UCLA.

Since you asked:

In a San Diego citywide shocker here, the Chargers released 12- time consecutive All Pro linebacker Junior Seau. To many San Diegans, the Chargers without Seau is like a taco without fish.

Admittedly, I was never much of Junior Seau fan when I got to San Diego. In my mind he had way too many commercials, restaurants and self-aggrandizing celebratory tackle dances. Sure, he was good, but my old high school teammate – OK, I was on the sophomore team when he was a senior, but – Cleveland Brown perennial All Pro Clay Mathews was far better with much less fanfare.

But then Junior started to show his colors. Junior treated quarterbacks and running backs worse than the French treat deodorant. He was a team leader and the consummate professional. He did amazing things for the community, and he actually had a pretty good sense of humor, something very rare in pro jocks who generally take themselves far too seriously. I used to see Seau at my gym in Solana Beach, and he was always friendly to everybody. (When he wasn’t asking me for training tips . . . (Sniff, throat-clear, teeth-suck, groan, sigh and belt tug of confidence)

But when Junior really had me – and it wasn’t at hello – was when he cold-cocked the biggest jerk in sports history, Ryan Leaf at practice. Junior, before anyone else in the media, figured Leaf to be the selfish jerk that he was and flattened the then incredibly over-paid, potty-mouthed dirt-bag rookie in a live scrimmage during training camp in La Jolla. It was on film and in the news. It was a beautiful thing.

Despite despising Leaf, Junior did all he could to baby sit the moron, including physically removing the screaming Cryin’ Ryan from attacking a Union Tribune writer. Class.

Nobody should be shocked that the owners of the Chargers, the Spawnos, err, I mean the Spanos’s rode a certain Hall of Famer out of town like a common pygmy. They’ve had a lot practice at it. Remember a guy by the name of Dan Fouts, San Diego? He still had a few good years left in him when Alex Spanos forced him out. Luckily both Fouts and Seau have way more class then do the Spanos – and let’s face it, who doesn’t? – and they left with dignity and class.

The good news, sports fans of San Diego? Next year we get a new, cool, baseball field. The bad news? Junior Seau has left. That should makes us about even. (Polite applause)