What all up in the Hizzy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?


But first, a little Freedom kissing
*The House of Representatives has officially changed the name of their cafeteria’s French fries to freedom fries. In addition, the Los Angeles Hustler store renamed one of its marital aides the Freedom Tickler.

Even the French are laughing at this. You have to go pretty far out of your way to do something so stupid that even the French think it's silly.

Get yourself a job, get yourself a job
*Macy’s announced they’re coming out with a line of "The Sopranos” clothes. Buyers beware: if you purchase and wear the Tony Soprano shirt, you won’t feel like showing up to work.

The nation of Belguim is holding its breath to see what we re-name our waffles
*In an embarrassingly toothless move even for Congress, the House voted to change the name of their cafeteria’s French fries to freedom fries. That’s silly, there is really only one type of food that can set someone free: oat bran.

Now that would chafe their derrière
*France rejected a British U.N. compromise on Iraq, infuriating the United States and Britain. In fact, Britain is so furious at France, to get back at them, they are thinking of naming all English food after France.

The House of Representatives is so furious at France, they are thinking about re-naming their cafeteria's chipped beef on toast: France on a Fritter.

How do we know it wasn’t the ref’s?
*A high school basketball player in Michigan dropped a small bag of marijuana on the court while playing in a game. He mistakenly thought getting “high” would improve his “ups.”

Now that is progress . . .
*Technology companies and car companies are developing more advanced navigation and entertainment systems that are becoming personal computers for automobiles -- or ''auto PCs'' –Now you will be able to e-mail your lawyer to retain him right after you drive over someone because you were distracted.

Sneak this
*USA recently ran a special on the ten toughest things to do in sports. Here are the three hardest things to sneak in sports: a word in sideways during a Keyshawn Johnson press conference; a ham past Tony Sarigusa or a cocktail past David Wells.

I resemble that remark
*Norwegian musher Robert Sorlie won the 1,100 mile Anchorage to Nome Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race almost two hours ahead of his nearest rival. There was an embarrassing moment when Augusta National president Hootie Johnson called to congratulate Sorlie and then asked if there is a secret to handling bitches so well.