Thursday, March 03, 2011

Meet Ernie, one of the stars of "Stand Up Guy."

What, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Charlie Sheen’s nearly-two-year-old twin boys were removed from his drug and porn star-ridden home. They were taken to a safer environment where drunk clowns juggle chainsaws.

Police say they arrested a drunk Christine Aguilera because she was “Unable to take care of herself.” And yet Charlie Sheen walks around a free man.

Charlie Sheen’s nearly-two-year-old twin boys were removed from his home. Apparently someone decided having toddlers around a drunk, drug-addled psycho living with a porn stars wasn’t a good idea. They were from the department of: We Aren’t Bat-Poop Crazy.

Today Charlie Sheen gave yet another in a long line of rambling, incoherent interviews after his twin boys were removed. This is getting tiresome, forget that his wife, his show, his publicist and kids have left him, you know Sheen is in trouble when comedians are getting tired of his crap.

Charlie Sheen’s publicist, Stan Rosenfield, has quit. Stan wants to spend more time with his not- coke-addled, whore-mongering utterly insane clients.

Charlie Sheen’s nearly-two-year-old twin boys were removed from his drug and porn star-ridden home and will be sent to a more stable environment: Moammar Gadhafi’s Libyan palace.

Charlie Sheen said he has Tiger blood. This explains why Charlie hasn’t won a golf tournament in a long time.

Since you asked:
Just read the hard-to-read details of Charlie Sheen’s binges in “G.Q.” and one thing is clear. Charlie is truly spiraling down. Spirals are corkscrews and there is a brief moment of going back up before you fall back down and Charlie is in love with that also.

Some people make a big deal in support of Charlie because he is a pro who doesn't show up high or drunk at his $2 mil a show job. Charlie loves being sober and not doing drugs and going back to work. It is part of his addiction. But then he has to fall back harder with more drugs, more booze and more hookers.

Charlie is a perfect storm of problems. He obviously has a strong constitution or he would be dead. He is an athlete so he likes to get in shape and work out – look at how buffed he got for “Hot Shots.” And the worst part is he grew up expecting this kind of life to be normal. His dad, Martin, had a heart attack from partying too hard on the set of “Apocalypse Now” in front of Charlie when Charlie was ten. The three B’s are part of Charlie’s DNA, babes, blow, booze.

The other problem is Charlie has an endless supply of cash.

Charlie has to have relationships with whores because he is a nice guy who doesn’t use and lose star- struck fans like the rest of Hollywood. In a phone interview with the radio show I used to write for, “Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw”, Dave Rickerts asked Sheen why a good looking movie star needs to hire women to come to his house. In a blast of honesty and candor, Sheen said;

“I don’t pay women to come to my house, I pay them to leave when I tell them to.”

From everything I’ve read from Clapton to Crosby, there is a very sharp turn addicts make that make recreational use of chemicals impossible to return to so the choice of quitting or dying becomes clear. In both Clapton and Crosby’s case they chose to die, but got lucky and lived. Sheen has had this happen also, he has overdosed and been hospitalized several times, and has chose to continue killing himself.

Rehabilitating is part of Sheen’s addiction. This is not going to end well. Not to be dark and morbid, but the people in Charlie Sheen’s life need to know he is going to kill himself sooner or later. They can either participate in that happening or step away so, when the inevitable happens, they can live with their actions.

It seems CBS and Chuck Lorre have already done that.