My girl, Julia Mancuso, on a SUP. She never writes, she never calls . . .

Get yo’ booty in Djibouti, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak is said to be worth $70 billion dollars while working on a $500 a-week salary. How? He saved 15% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.

Charlie Sheen spoke to the UCLA men’s baseball team about staying off drugs. That’s like Kirsty Alley speaking to them about staying off donuts.

Apparently UCLA now stands for Uncle Charlie’s Lying Again.

New York is hosting Fashion Week as well as the Westminster Dog Show. One features spoiled and pampered bitches and, well, so does the other one.

Congratulations to Irena Shayk who is on the cover of the “Sports Illustrated” Swimsuit Edition. Why is it called the swimsuit edition? The swimsuit edition has as much to do with swimming as Lady Gaga has to do with British Royalty.

It’ reported that Charlie Sheen went to the “Two and a Half Men” CBS studio to go back to work, but he was locked out, so he banged on the door. Charlie banged the door so hard the door caught a sexually transmitted disease.

Ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak is said to be worth $70 billion dollars while working on a $500 a-week salary. How? He sold stolen office supplies on the black market. “Where is that box of toner? Hosni?” “I am not to be knowing where the toner is.”

Apparently Hosni Mubarak is an Egyptian name that means Bernie Madoff.

Have you seen the commercial for hemorrhoid medicine Preparation H that shows a woman about to sit on a bicycle seat wrapped in barbed wire? How would these clowns make a Viagra ad? Show a guy with an ironing board in his pants?

Since you asked:

Let’s play a rousing game of:

If Lex Was In Charge

The $40 Billion Hosni Mabarak stole would all go to Bernie Madoff’s victims.

The Grammys would have the following categories: Rock and Roll, Pop, Country and Soul. If there isn’t singing or instrument playing, it’s not in the Grammys.

The NFL would settle the strike by not only NOT expanding to 18 games, keeping it 16 games, they would also eliminate the entire roster of preseason games.

Wikileaks weasel and rapist, Julian Assange, would not just be sent to prison, he would be sent to Federal “Pound My Lilly-white Sissy Tuchus Into Hamburger” Roway Prison in New Jersey.

Virus writers and computer hackers would also be sent to Federal “Pound My Lilly-white Sissy Tuchus Into Hamburger” Roway Prison in New Jersey.

Smoking pot? Not illegal. Smoking cigarettes? Not legal.

NCAA will not allow players to leave early to join the NBA.

The following people are no longer legally allowed to give press conferences, appear on TV, air a video tape, speak or appear in public at any time: Rev. Al Sharpton, Osama bin Laden, Gloria Allred, Jesse Jackson, Glenn Beck, Keith Olberman, the Lohans, Dina, Michael and Lindsay, Paris Hilton, Donald Trump, Snooki, The Situation, Levi Johnston, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. (Little secret? Osama bin Laden isn't the biggest a-hole on this list)

Every time House Majority Leader, John Boehner cries on-camera, he has to give $25,000 to children’s cancer research.

Any door-to-door or telemarketing solicitation is illegal.

Tonight?

Do Believe it is time for Lex's/Sam-the-Cooking-guy's grilled meat loaf sandwiches.

2 pounds of ground beef
3/4 cup of bread crumbs
dashes of smoked paprika, garlic powder, Old Bay, fresh pepper and salt
4 ounces diced chilis
2 eggs beaten

After the meatloaf is mixed and raw in the pan, slather Worcestershire sauce over the top and pop it in the oven.


Good BBQ sauce. (Instead of my peach homemade, I'll use a good store bought Kansas City style or Chubbs.

350 for about one hour. Slice meatloaf into one inch slices, slather in BBQ sauce and grill until there are grill marks.

Put the slices on sourdough sandwich rolls, cover the meatloaf with horseradish cheddar cheese and pop in the over until the cheese melts and the bread browns a tad. Remove, apply mayo on one side and add thin tomato slices. Serve with an iceberg/carrot ranch dressing salad and a cold beer.

That right there is the true frickis and a wolf-jenny.