Look out, everybody, 'cause it's a stand up paddle board surfin' daaawwwwwwg

Bend the knees, duck-out the feet, look up and paddle hard, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


This week in New York is Fashion Week and the Westminster Dog Show. So tourists, whether it is a model or a dog, don’t try and pet a bitch or they’ll bite you.

The Cleveland Cavaliers ended their 26 game losing streak with a win over the Los Angeles Clippers. The Cavs hope to take this momentum and use it to beat a real NBA team.

How about Bill Murray winning the Pro-Am at Pebble Beach? Experts estimate this set a record for guys saying; “Cinderalla story, tears in his eyes I guess. It’s in the hole. ”

In addition to another final round collapse at a Dubai golf tournament, Tiger Woods was fined for spitting. Not just a dainty spit, apparently Tiger hacked and honked and let one fly. If his image gets any lower Tiger will be asking spectators to pull his finger.

Justin Bieber fans are upset Bieber did not win the Grammy for Best New Artist. Some are even threatening to hold their breath until they turn Bieber-blue.

How about that performance by Mick Jagger at the Grammys? It was so great it almost kept me from trying to figure out the difference between a record and an album.

Bob Dylan performed at the Grammys. Plus I think he won the category: Best Song That Needed Captions.

San Diego surfer band Switchfoot won a Grammy for Best Rock or Rap Gospel album. They also almost won for Best Pop Jazz Fusion and or Hip Hop Soul Record.

My single almost won for Best Vintage Comedy Parody Solo Folk Song: It’s called “Why, You Punks, That’s Not Music, That’s Noise.”

The best part of Bill Murray’s Pebble Beach Pro-Am win was at the end when the gopher popped up and started dancing to Kenny Loggins’s “I’m All Right”.

Worst Valentines Day card for a guy? “Roses are red, violets are blue, I dated Charlie Sheen, I’d get a shot if I were you.”