Tote that bail, crack that whip, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Just lose, baby

A cruise ship was attacked by pirates off of Yemen, but the Captain outran the pirate ship. In fact, the pirates were so badly outrun they were named honorary Oakland Raiders.

Good luck

On the space station they fixed the machine that turns urine into drinking water. Now they are working on a machine that takes NBC prime time shows and makes them watchable.

Good idea

On the space station they fixed the machine that turns urine into drinking water. In fact, it works so well they are going to take the urine-to-water machine to Washington to process all the leaks.

Quality is job #1598

I don’t want to say Ford is desperate to get congress to approve a bailout, but today Ford introduced a new car, the Ford Nancy Pelosi. It comes with a free grill lift. .

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it

It was awkward, when informed Barack Obama was assembling his cabinet, President Bush said; “Yeah, that Ikea furniture can be tricky.”

How did that happen?

Hillary Clinton is the Secretary of State. In a related story, Monica Lewinski, Jennifer Flowers and Paula Jones have suddenly had their US citizenship revoked.


Since you asked:

Have you seen that Kristen Stewart is now being annoyed by her “Twilight” fans in England? This makes her an international bitchy little tool.

Have you seen the latest Warren Miller film? Man, it is good. I can't remember the name, but I think it is: "Crazy Dudes Jump Off Mountains No Sane Guy Would."

Attention whoever is handling Michael Phelps's out-of-the-water deals. Stop trying to sell the guy as sexy. It isn't working and it isn't going to work. Phelps is a good kid, an outstanding athlete, a great competitor, a nice guy, but he is never, ever going to be sexy.