Friday, November 21, 2008

Don’t over-think it, we gonna Spaghetti Cat that there, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That’s nothing
A Florida teenager survived 118 days without a heart. Big deal? Dick Cheney has gone two terms without a heart. And President Bush has gone two terms without a brain.

Arrrrrrr you kidding me?
Somalia pirates have hijacked a Saudi oil tanker; that’s roughly equivalent of an entertainment attorney kidnapping a telemarketer. No good guys involved.

Don’t kid yourself, those Somalia pirates are brazen. Today they hijacked the deep fryer at a Jolly Roger.

That’s jacked up, man
“People” Sexiest Man Alive is Hugh Jackman. So guys, how does it feel to know that a guy who admitted wetting his pants while singing a Broadway show tune is sexier than you are?

“People” Sexiest Men Alive issue is out and sadly I did not make the list. The last spot was between me, Andy Dick and Peter Griffin, the dad in “Family Guy.”

“People” Sexiest Man Alive is Hugh Jackman. Have you noticed that the sexiest man alive is always a famous movie star? How come the sexiest man alive is never some guy who works at Blockbuster or Radio Shack? OK, forget I said that. That was stupid.

Shine on
Now the rumors from the Obama camp are Barack will offer the Sec. of State post to Hillary Clinton after Thanksgiving. Is it just me or do they treat Hillary like the kid who wants - but won't get - a pony for Christmas? They just keep shining her on;

"OK, well talk about it after Thanksgiving."

Since you asked:

Realizing that the entire world is hanging on my opinion of "Twilight" co-star, Kristen Stewart, I just saw her appearance with Dave. Let's just say it made me very proud of my earlier assessment.

No doubt, I get that she's young, but still . . . if you're 18 and an alleged actor and you can't even act like it is a little fun to be the star of a blockbuster movie, you need to be sent away. 

At one point Dave said; "Everyone is different. For example, you and I couldn't be more different." Priceless.

And then when asked what her interests outside of acting are, she said;

"I'm really boring. I kept thinking I won't have anything to say on Letterman."

And as only Dave can he said;

"And did you tell anyone this?"

Best line of the week:

Alec Baldwin's "Thirty Rock" Jack Donaghy telling Tina Fey's Liz Lemmon to date Steve Martin's Gavin Valure:

"You're gonna play this like a Chinese gymnast: wear something tight, force a smile and lie about your age."