Sunday, November 23, 2008

We gonna schlep it and step it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Jesse’s mad
In a videotape, Al Qaeda’s #2 man, Ayman al-Zawahiri, called Barack Obama a racial slur. It made Jesse Jackson so mad he threatened to cut off al-Zawahari’s testicles.

How cold is it?
It is cold back East. In New York the cab drivers have broken out their fleece-lined turbans.

It is cold back East. In New York the cab drivers had to stay warm with their red-hot hatred of American infidels.

He wanted out now
Madonna’s divorce from Guy Ritchie is final and Ritchie isn’t getting one dime of Madonna’s money. But don’t worry about Ritchie, he’s going to get one of those sweet US government billion dollar bail out deals.

I always wondered what that stood for
A German army medic’s records confirmed that Adolf Hitler lost a testicle in WWI. So it turns out the Nazi SS stood for Single Swinger.

Eliot Spitzer’s hooker, Ashley Dupre, is being interviewed by Diane Sawyer on ABC’s “20/20.” Dupre was going to be on CBS’s news magazine show but when she heard it was called “60 Minutes” she charged $10,000.

No really, how cold is it?
It is cold back East, in New York folks were shaking like Sarah Palin on “Jeopardy.”

It is cold in the East. In Washington DC the hookers are offering a Hillary Clinton special. For an extra $100 they’ll rub you the wrong way.

Since you asked:

One of the most amazing things I've seen on television happened last week. There was a live broadcast of a high speed chase on nearby I-5.  From the helicopter shot directly above, you clearly saw the suspect stop his van in the car pool lane, hop over the highway center divide and start running north next to the divide on the southbound lane. The TV picture was so close you see the guy and the cops gaining on him with their flashlights in hand. 

Suddenly the guy bolts left into traffic. A white sedan traveling at least 50 mph hits him in the legs. You can see the headlights glass shatter as he flies ten feet in the air somersaulting like a rag doll. He lands on top of the car crushing the hood and shattering the windshield, then he falls off to the side and laid there motionless. 

It was shocking. No kidding, I went into mild shock. The guy was obviously dead, in fact, they reported that on the air that he died from his injuries, and I saw it while it happened.

The guy was treated for a broken leg, cuts and bruises. That was it. The guy was wanted for molesting a child so nobody was pulling for him, but it was amazing he survived.