Drop down and give me twenty, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
How hot was it?
It is cool now, but man, it was hot Monday. I was sweating like Barack Obama every time Rev. Jeremiah Wright opens his mouth.
University of Slow Children (We kid the Trorats)
The NFL Wonderlic test was used during the draft as USC's John David Booty had the lowest score among drafted quarterbacks- 14 out of a possible 50. It was awkward, when they asked Booty to go in the classroom and take the test, the USC players asked;
“OK, sure, but what’s a classroom and a test?”
The Rocket is out there
Roger Clemens had a 10-year-relationship with country music star Mindy McCreedy that started when she was 15 and he was a 28-year-old married father of two. It was awkward, when asked if the relationship was platonic, Clemens said;
“No, it happened here on Earth.”
Lex’s editorial comment about Roger the dodger
And what rich and famous young married-with-two-kids jock doesn’t really want to spend all of his spare time harmlessly and selflessly mentoring a 15-year-old girl? My word, between being falsely persecuted for using illegal drugs, by a wrong-minded Congress, no less, and spending his limited free time tutoring a teenage girl, this Roger Clemens is practically a frickin’ saint.
(I hope you’re picking up my sarcasm because I am laying it down pretty thick, to paraphrase “Tommy Boy”)
Seriously, between cheating with drugs and then lying about cheating with drugs and then lying to congress about cheating with drugs and ruining his trainer’s life, and now being outed for having what is, at best, a wildly inappropriate relationship with a 15-year-old girl, I am begining to suspect that maybe Roger Clemens isn’t the great character role model we thought he was. Maybe, just maybe, mind you, Roger is just a big stupid douche bag who can throw a ball.
Good day
The Cincinnati Bengals had a busy draft. They got a miscreant, a scofflaw, two firebrands and a recidivist reprobate to be named later.
Nice
The weather is beautiful in New York. To mark the occasion, former Governor Eliot Spitzer hired a hooker named Summer.
Except him
“Hannah Montana” star Mylie (Oops, I best change this before a certain young pedantic woman gets all up and down on my case to get correct, Miss Julia B. Voodsteps) Miley Cyrus apologized for sexy photos of her in a bed sheet in “Vanity Fair”. “Sexy, seemingly nude photos of a 15-year-old girl in a bed sheet aren’t creepy at all” said nobody except R. Kelly.
Cancel the card
The Pope is following through on cracking down on sex scandals in US priests. No more using the Vatican Mastercard on Internet porn sites.
Please
What is wrong with Bill Clinton? He used to be so charming and jovial but now he snaps at reporters and gets angry all the time. Hillary, we’re begging you, please let Bill start dating again.
Saw that one coming
Two brothers from Illinois announced that they have invented a car that gets 100 miles-per-gallon. This just in: two brothers from Illinois who invented the 100 mpg car were tragically shot while hunting with Dick Cheney.
How hot was it?
It is cool now, but man, it was hot Monday. I was sweating like Barack Obama every time Rev. Jeremiah Wright opens his mouth.
University of Slow Children (We kid the Trorats)
The NFL Wonderlic test was used during the draft as USC's John David Booty had the lowest score among drafted quarterbacks- 14 out of a possible 50. It was awkward, when they asked Booty to go in the classroom and take the test, the USC players asked;
“OK, sure, but what’s a classroom and a test?”
The Rocket is out there
Roger Clemens had a 10-year-relationship with country music star Mindy McCreedy that started when she was 15 and he was a 28-year-old married father of two. It was awkward, when asked if the relationship was platonic, Clemens said;
“No, it happened here on Earth.”
Lex’s editorial comment about Roger the dodger
And what rich and famous young married-with-two-kids jock doesn’t really want to spend all of his spare time harmlessly and selflessly mentoring a 15-year-old girl? My word, between being falsely persecuted for using illegal drugs, by a wrong-minded Congress, no less, and spending his limited free time tutoring a teenage girl, this Roger Clemens is practically a frickin’ saint.
(I hope you’re picking up my sarcasm because I am laying it down pretty thick, to paraphrase “Tommy Boy”)
Seriously, between cheating with drugs and then lying about cheating with drugs and then lying to congress about cheating with drugs and ruining his trainer’s life, and now being outed for having what is, at best, a wildly inappropriate relationship with a 15-year-old girl, I am begining to suspect that maybe Roger Clemens isn’t the great character role model we thought he was. Maybe, just maybe, mind you, Roger is just a big stupid douche bag who can throw a ball.
Good day
The Cincinnati Bengals had a busy draft. They got a miscreant, a scofflaw, two firebrands and a recidivist reprobate to be named later.
Nice
The weather is beautiful in New York. To mark the occasion, former Governor Eliot Spitzer hired a hooker named Summer.
Except him
“Hannah Montana” star Mylie (Oops, I best change this before a certain young pedantic woman gets all up and down on my case to get correct, Miss Julia B. Voodsteps) Miley Cyrus apologized for sexy photos of her in a bed sheet in “Vanity Fair”. “Sexy, seemingly nude photos of a 15-year-old girl in a bed sheet aren’t creepy at all” said nobody except R. Kelly.
Cancel the card
The Pope is following through on cracking down on sex scandals in US priests. No more using the Vatican Mastercard on Internet porn sites.
Please
What is wrong with Bill Clinton? He used to be so charming and jovial but now he snaps at reporters and gets angry all the time. Hillary, we’re begging you, please let Bill start dating again.
Saw that one coming
Two brothers from Illinois announced that they have invented a car that gets 100 miles-per-gallon. This just in: two brothers from Illinois who invented the 100 mpg car were tragically shot while hunting with Dick Cheney.
posted by Alex at
3:17 PM
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