Monday, April 14, 2008

First chink in the armor, Ted and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Daddy, why does this book smell like a Fish concert?
Snoop Dog is coming out with a children’s book. I think it’s called “Curiously Stoned George.”

How hot was it?
It was hot today. I was sweating like the CBS swear checker at the Masters when Tiger Woods missed a shot.

CBS now stands for Couric Be Scootin’
Katie Couric is rumored to be out at CBS Evening News; something tells me it’s true, Katie’s new sign off? “Bite me, CBS CEO Les Moonves.”

Tiger Woods finished second at the Masters. One of the reasons Tiger is so great is that he holds himself to a high standard, but, honestly, the swearing, after each imperfect shot has to stop. Even Mel Gibson was blushing.

Katie bar the door
Katie Couric is rumored to be out at CBS Evening News. Is it just me or does it seem that Katie just doesn’t care anymore? Like the time she opened the broadcast with; “Tonight’s lead story? Five words: Katie doesn’t give a crap.”

Katie Couric is rumored to be out at CBS Evening News. You can tell Katie’s heart isn’t in it, when they comeback from commercials they keep catching Katie sneaking a swig on her flask.

Katie Couric is rumored to be out at CBS Evening News. You can tell Katie’s heart isn’t in it, a while ago Katie did an entire broadcast with a lit Marlboro dangling in her lips.

That explains it
Kathy Lee Gifford is coming back to host the fourth hour of “The Today Show” Is it just me or can you tell Kathy Lee has had some work done? That explains how she was able to smile at what Regis said all the time, her face had been surgically stretched into a permanent smile.

Too much
All three candidates, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain appeared on “American Idol’s” “Idol Gives Back” show last week. Something tells me John McCain is trying too hard to attract younger voters. He appeared on “American Idol” with Sanjaya’s Faux Hawk wig.

Since you asked:
Unbelievable day on the stand up paddle board Saturday. Went out in the morning to catch the low tide at 9:00, it was bright, hot and sunny. It was so hot that it felt good to fall in the 60 degree water.

No sooner then I start paddling out I look down and see dozens and dozens of leopard sharks cruising the bottom. (By the way, whoever rents the La Jolla kayaks needs to inform the tourists that those leopard sharks don’t bite and to stop screaming like an idiot when they see one. Twice I’ve nearly fallen off from the shock)

After the school of leopard sharks I look up and see a school of at least thirty black dolphins migrating south maybe twenty yards away from me, a total of 75 yards off shore. One of the kayakers said a dolphin tapped the bottom of the kayak and took off. And then there was the usual fish and stingrays and the jelly fish were out for the first time this year.

Did much better surfing. Paddled hard, caught small waves and rode them all the way in until they broke, where, usually, I fell, and then just paddled back out. The surf was small but I caught my longest ride yet, about twenty yards.

Napped on the couch like a big ol’ dawg while “watching” the Masters and then grilled baby back ribs for friends that night for a dinner party. Man, was they tasty if I do say so. Made a homemade peach marmalade barbeque sauce with grilled onions in it and brine marinated the ribs for five hours. And then applied a thick garlic powder, smoked paprika, cumin and pepper rub and then baked them with beer in the pan and covered in tin foil for three hours at 250.

Right when the guests showed at 6:30, I sparked up the mesquite in the Weber and then slathered on the peach sauce and put the ribs on the grill just long enough to get grill marks and caramelize the sauce on the ribs.

Perfect texture with the ribs, if I do say so. Not soupy, not tough. Al dente. Lex’s rib tip: Always serve wet wipes with ribs and have a bone bowl handy. And put lots of harmonica blues on the iTunes dinner playlist and light a lot of candles. It adds a New Orleans/ Southern vibe. Oh, and finish with ice cream sanguidos (sandwiches)

Mmm, mmm, mmm. M.

Since you asked, the deuce:
My buddy sent me the cute e-mail about the dad packing for a bidness trip trying to entertain his 3-year-old daughter. She sticks out her little hand and says,

“Daddy, look.”

So Daddy grabs her hand and playfully says;

“I’m gonna eat those fingers.”

And then he proceeds to shove her hand in his mouth, pretending to chomp on it. She squeals with delight, but then she is suddenly quiet and solemnly staring at her hand. When dad asks what is wrong, she replies;

“What happened to my bugger?”

Ah, the joys of being a parent.

For some reason this reminds me of my favorite kid story about the Mom who has to break the news of the beloved neighbor’s dog passing. Trying to console the weeping four-year-old girl, the Mom says;

“It’s OK, sweety, Sparky is in heaven with god.”

In-between choking back sobs, the girl looks perplexed and says;

“Buh, buh, buh, but what is god going to do with a dead dog?”