Friday, April 18, 2008

Ruh roh, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Sound familiar?
Do you know what happened Tuesday in 1912? The Titanic sank. It was a huge collision with an iceberg, to which Barack Obama said; “Tell me about it.”

So unfair
Do you know what happened Tuesday in 1912? The Titanic sank costing the lives of over 1500 people. You know what makes it even more tragic? It happened on April 15th, all those people died right after they paid their taxes.

Look out now
An old sex film of a young Marilyn Monroe surfaced but a rich collector bought it and is keeping it private, he isn’t going to show it. Man, you thought Bill Clinton got mad when Bill Richardson didn’t endorse Hillary?

Delta and Northwest airlines are merging to form the largest carrier. That means their planes will have more people riding them than Paris Hilton.

Hard to tell
Priscilla Presley was voted off “Dancing With the Stars” Priscilla was either really upset or really happy to be gone, but, because of all the Botox in her face, nobody could tell one way or the other.

A little too friendly
President Bush met Pope Benedict XVI. It was a little embarrassing, you know how President Bush likes to give nicknames? Well, he called Pope Benedict XVI, P. Benny Sweet Sixteen.

President Bush met Pope Benedict XVI. It was a little embarrassing, you know how President Bush likes to give nicknames? Well, he called the Pontiff Ol’ Rope-a-dope Pope.

That’s them
This week in San Diego, a group of openly gay republicans are
holding their national convention. That’s the group who believes in the right to bear arms in ass-less chaps.

We were afraid of that
A new study reveals consuming alcohol can reduce kidney cancer. Drinking reduces heart disease, your chances of strokes and now kidney cancer. This means we’re stuck with Paula Abdul forever.

To the core
The big thing in fitness now is working out your core muscles. The great thing about core muscles is nobody can see them. They’re inside your core; “Dude, you gained twenty pounds and you have a gut.” “Yeah, but you should see my core muscles. They’ve never been fitter.”

Ahh, that’s cute
Snoop Dog is coming out with a children’s book. It’s called; “Why The House Smells Funny” (After Mommy And Daddy Put You to Bed.)

Since you asked:

George Stephanopoulos took a lot of flack about his blind-side attack of Barack Obama during the last debate about Obama’s association with some obscure political radical.

You know, I was a fan of little Georgie-porgie at the start of the Clinton administration. He seemed to talk the talk and walk the walk as the true political pure-hearted do-gooder that he wanted to appear to be.

But after reading about George and following his actions in documentaries and fictionalized movies and learning more about his personality on his show, political issues and, or, party differences aside, I now conclude that Stephanopoulos is a nasty little lap- dog, pit-bull, back-stabbing, lying, slithering ass-munching piece-of-megalomaniacal crap with an absolutely terminal case of little-d*ck and short-man’s disease.

(Now ask me how I really feel)

Again, I love to refer to a documentary filmed way inside of the first Clinton presidential campaign which showed tiny George and “The Grinch” James Carville hurriedly rushing along the streets of Manhattan to a fundraiser while mutually stoking each other’s ego about what glorified important work they were destined to perform in getting Clinton elected; it was their sacred duty to use their sheer brilliance and their vast talents so they, through their savior Clinton, can help the long-suffering ignored-by-republicans common everyman.

Just then both Carville and Stephanopoulos, as if on cue, physically knock over a long-suffering ignored-by-republicans common everyman who was in their way to rush into the hotel.

Pretty much sums up the entire Clinton group.