Tuesday, June 26, 2007

That’s hot ‘till it’s not, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Something not-so-special in the air
Jet Blue ranked the highest in airline customer satisfaction. Continental was ahead, but they crapped out at the end.

Jet Blue ranked the highest in airline customer satisfaction. That’s like beating Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears at “Jeopardy.”:

No comparison
Paris Hilton’s trash is on sale on eBay. You know the difference between Paris’s trash and Paris’s CD? The quality of the trash is much higher.

Oh, too bad
Paris Hilton will be on probation until March. Paris was excited to find out she can reduce her probation time with community service. Unfortunately Paris found out servicing sexually doesn’t count.

Or Monica-osis
Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi, the hot-dog-eating king who recently lost his world record to an American, may not reclaim the title July 4 because of acute jaw pain. Due to over-straining his jaw swallowing hot dogs, Kobayashi was diagnosed with severe Paris Hilton-itis.

It’s relative
Tank Johnson was cut by the Chicago Bears after a DUI in Arizona. He already had been suspended for the first eight games of 2007 for violating probation on gun charges. He spent two months in jail. Or as the Cincinnati Bengals call this, citizen of the year.

Not good
A new study claims the oldest sibling is usually the smartest. Well so much for Jeb Bush ever running for president.

P. Day
Paris Hilton will be released from jail today. Tuesday. Girls, lock up your drunk boyfriends.

That makes sense
Rosie O’Donnell says she will not host “The Price is Right.” Rosie wants to spend more time screaming left wing conspiracy arguments at her family.

Since you asked:

Just saw a fascinating documentary “The War Room” on Clinton’s presidential campaign from the top of his staff, James Carvel and George Stephanopoulos and others. It gave brief but insightful peeks at the real feel of that campaign and that peek revealed incredible egos and piety that ran from the top down.

One telling scene showed the tall, bald and Grinch-like Carvel and cute munchkin Stephanopoulos strutting down a New York street intently discussing how they’re brilliance alone will help Clinton help the long-suffering, everyday people. Meanwhile Carvel and George, in their smug hurry, violently bump four of those same everyday people out of the way as they barge into their five star hotel.

Hypocrites, party of two? Your table is ready.

As rumors started to swirl about the endless Clinton infidelities, the campaign’s wagons weren’t just circled, they were sent out to attack. Clinton’s people honestly believed they were on a higher calling and that anyone who interrupted their righteous path was evil and deserved what they got no matter how cruel or hurtful. The Clinton’s eventual reckless disregard for anyone and everything else but them, including the reputation of the Presidency, proves this.

Bill and Hillary are studies in a megalomaniacal power couple who both use each other as well as everyone else. They have no friends because they need no friends. They need human disposable assets. Believe me, I knew a Hillary and Bill.

While undeniably charming, smart and shrewd, their colossal egos with a sociopath’s endless thirst for power and prestige – and money - combine in a potent cocktail that allows them to justify any means to achieve their goals. They believe that mere social morals or laws cannot interfere with their - in their minds - devine quest for success and power. Sadly, this is exactly what makes them great politicians.

As they are wildly selfish and only care about themselves, their megalomania has convinced them that whatever is good for them is good for the greater good. Several of the top people in Clinton’s campaign, Stephanopoulos, Carvel and even his former campaign manager, Dick Morris and yes, even Al Gore, now openly despise both Clintons because they lied and used them. But they were liars and users themselves and now that they don’t need the Clintons anymore, their blinders to their callous deceits are suddenly lifted?


What was fascinating for me about “The War Room” was that I used to work on democratic congressional campaigns in Chicago with my Mother. Campaigns are a heady mix of ego maniacs and the sanctimonious wrapped up in both a sports atmosphere and a party at the same time. It is a cozy, smug, mutual back rubbing vibe of “Aren’t we so wonderful to be working for the good and just side?”

Carvel and Stephanopoulos can stroke each other’s huge egos as long and hard as they want as to how their genius got their Reverend Jimmy Jones-like leader, Clinton, elected. But the person who put Clinton in office wasn’t Clinton, Carvel or cute little George, it was that evil grumpy dwarf Ross Perot. ( I swear there are times when I want to pet George behind the ear and say “Who is a cute widdle guy?”)

Don’t get me wrong, there are also colossal egos with a sociopath’s thirst for power on the republican side. Their conceit comes from Ivy league schools and plush corporate board rooms. At least the democrats try and assuage their lust for power with an intent to help the downtrodden, no matter how insufferably preachy they are about it. See: Ted Kennedy.

The republican politicians make no pretense about helping the poor. Give the devil his due, the republicans are more honest about being greedy. But that candor and transparency doesn’t make them any less grasping and despicable. See: Dick Cheney.

But whether republican or democrat, what is the alternative? You want to run a egoless gentlemen and nice guy to run for President? How did that work out for Paul Tsongas? How did that work out for Thomas Eagleton or Hubert Humphrey or Jerry Ford or Eugene McCarthy?

In politics hot wins and nice is ice.

You need a user and an egomaniac to run for president simply to make it through the grueling electoral process. In today’s elections it is the last person standing who wins. You will get hit with poop and you must throw poop back. The winner is the egomaniac with the least poop on him.

To which I reference the great scene in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” Two grimy peasants witness a noblemen ride by them. One says to the other:

“He must be a King.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Cause he ain’t got sh*t all over him.”