Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Oh snap diddley dap dippity do bappity bap, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That’s a good deal
A restaurant in Florida is offering a $100 hamburger. And for an extra $20, the waiter will kick you in the ass for spending $100 on a hamburger.

Of course
Bob Barker said that Rosie O’Donnell is being considered as his “The Price is Right” replacement host. But, of course, Rosie would have to get neutered first.

This is a bittersweet time for boys graduating from high school. On the one hand it is a huge step to becoming adults; on the other hand, they have to break up with their hot woman high school teacher.

See what I mean?
In Wisconsin a substitute teacher is charged with sleeping with her 16-year-old male student. It was a passionate relationship, let’s just say he put the stud in student. And she put the tit in substitute.

Get it?
Tennis star Mark Philippoussis stars in the reality dating show “Age of Love” where he has to pick between 20-year-old hotties and 40-year-old hotties. Of course Mark is going for the older women. Tennis players like it when it is 40 love.

Since you asked:

Not to brag- but if I don’t, nobody else will – but that was my rope-a-dope-smokin’ joke on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” last nicht.

Which one? The cruel and mean-spirited one, of course. Duh.

A 71-year-old man became the oldest person to climb Mount Everest. When he got to the top he asked;

“Now what did I come up here for?”

It was a little weird because I sent it in a week ago. Usually they use them in one or two, three at the most days.

But I will take it, because, as I have stated many many times, I am a filthy comedy whore.

“Filthy Comedy Whore” is the name of my next LIVE CD.

Happy Birthday, Scoots.

It was my lovely wife’s birthday last night. Did the fish tacos at the Del Mar park last night with a twist. Turns out the jammin’ reggae/rock fusion band Common Sense was playing there and a good time was had by all. Especially Miss Ann Caroline. She petted many puppies, played soccer, jumped rope, played wiffle ball.

Not to brag again, but, for a soon-to-be nine-year-old, AC is quite the natural athlete. Much more so than I was. She is big and fast and strong – that is the part I had down - but she has quite the eye-hand coordination. I don’t. She can smack a baseball and a golf ball. Me? Not as much.