What it is and what it shall be, Torn Slattern and Nugget Ranchers

Short lived idea
In Antioch, California, a two-year-old toddler got sick after Applebees served him a margarita in his sippy cup. So much for Applebees’ new Michael Jackson happy hour.

Combined
Paris Hilton’s sister, Nicky, visited Paris in jail. It was nice, they both got to use the brain they share.

Career change
The prosecuting attorney in the ill-advised Duke Lacrosse team rape trial, Mike Nifong, was disbarred for lying and hiding evidence. Now what happens to someone who is determined to be too sleazy to even be a lawyer? One word: Congress.

Life dream
After 50 years in television, “The Price is Right” host Bob Barker is retired. Barker is going to spend his time devoted to his passionate cause: neutering Kevin Federline.

You punks get off my lawn
In this weekend’s inter-league match up between the New York Mets and the New York Yankees, 44-year-old pitcher Roger Craig faced 48-year-old Julio Franco. There was an awkward moment when Craig and Franco had to take a time out to remember where they put their glasses.

Nous plaisantons avec le français
For the first time ever, a Frenchman, Tony Parker, was named NBA playoff MVP in the San Antonio Spur’s clean sweep four game win over the Detroit Pistons. This is also marks the first time the words Frenchman, sweep, clean and win have ever been used together.

Huh?
As a guest drummer on the Cyndi Lauper tour, Rosie O’Donnell said about “The View” that she didn’t like heterosexual women because, when you turn around, they stab you in the back with a high heel shoe. That is shocking. “The View” host Joy Behar is straight? When did that happen?

Rosie O’Donnell was a guest drummer on the Cyndi Lauper tour. Did you know Rosie was a drummer? I thought the only thing she liked to beat on was poor little Elisabeth Hasselbeck.